Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under
by BKelly95
Summary: A year has passed since the 2003 Cannonball Run. It's now time for the next one. A few surprises await the participants, though.
1. The Plans Are Made

Cannonball Run 2004:Down Under 

The Plans Are Made

AN:Greetings and welcome to my new fanfic.

If the first part of the title hasn't clued you in, this is a follow-up to "Cannonball Run 2003". This will not, however, be a direct remake of "Cannonball Run 2".

As usual, I hope to create a worthwhile reading experience for you, the reader, as well as a worthwhile writing experience for myself, the writer. I invite your reviews.

A couple of acknowledgements (and we haven't even gotten to the story yet):

-to Anthony Bannon (a.k.a. Turbo Man): This is not Cannonball Run 5. Those plans are still coming along. And...

-to Penning Fantasy. Thanks for your help.

Anyways, let's get to the story. Oh by the way, the subtitle does mean what you think it does.

----------

"You know how the Drake family made its fortune?" asked Seymour Drake Jr. as he chalked up his pool cue. "Speed. When we came to America, we had the fastest horses and the fastest wagons." He walked over to the pool table and made his shot. He sank the cue ball. "And now, due to a little madness with a yellowish metallic substance, we have the fastest planes, the fastest boats, and the fastest cars."

"Except for one." said his opponent, Brad Compton, as he tried to retrieve the cue ball from the return. "Yours."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Seymour, a.k.a 'The Drake'.

"Last year, you tried a simple task." said Brad. "So simple. You tried to emblazen the Drake name as 'Fastest in the World' by winning the Cannonball Run. But you failed."

"Easy." warned the Drake's bodyguard, Ron. "You don't want me protecting the Drake from you."

"Look, you weren't there." said the Drake. "You have no idea why I failed. It was because..."

"No excuses for your incompetence." said Brad.

The Drake moved towards Brad while preparing to use his pool cue as a spear, but Ron held him back saying "Hold on, you don't want we protecting you from yourself."

Brad waved the Drake over to his position. The Drake walked over until Brad was sure Ron was out of earshot. "What's the deal with your bodyguard?" he asked.

"He's an actor." said the Drake. "Hasn't had a series in seven years."

"Nine." said Ron.

Brad and the Drake looked at Ron and slapped him for eavesdropping. "Don't want me protecting you from me." he chided.

"Look, I know I didn't win." said the Drake as he prepared to make another shot. "The competition was fierce and I had an ulcer the size of the Grand Canyon."

Brad stuck his pool cue right into the Drake's nose. "I dare you to re-enter the Cannonball and win this time." said Brad. "Give me one good reason why you can't do that."

"Because the race organizers have disbanded, the police are keeping a sharper eye out for the race, and I still have a huge ulcer." said the Drake.

"You know why I say life is like an arcade game?" asked Brad. "Because any problem can be solved if you throw enough quarters at it."

"Of course." said the Drake.

----------

A few weeks later, at an airport outside Wurtsburo, New York, J.J. McClure pulled up to an air show in his recently repaired Camaro. His girlfriend, Pamela Glover, climbed out and followed him. J.J. walked up to a man and said "Excuse me, I'm looking for Victor Prinsi."

"That way." said the man.

"Thanks." said J.J. He walked over to a large metal cylinder with the words "The Human Bomb" written on it. He knocked on the bomb and his partner Victor Prinsi looked out through a viewport.

"J.J." he said.

"How are you doing?" asked J.J.

"Oh, fine I guess." said Victor. "They got me doing this stunt where they're going to drop me from a plane in this thing."

"Guess what I got." said J.J. as he took out a telegram. "It's the Cannonball race, it's on again. A million dollars is the first prize."

"Wow!" exclaimed Victor. "I wish I could go, but I'm stuck doing this."

"I'll go see if I can get you out of your contract." said J.J. "So, what is this thing?"

"It's the Human Bomb." said Victor. "They've got this vintage dive bomb pilot from the 'Nam. They're going to let me out of the plane..." He knocked on the side. "...with this, and I'm going to hit the target. Go right through the target. After that, I go into a net. And if I go through the net, I land in some hay. Enough hay to feed all the cattle in Texas."

"Sounds dangerous." said J.J.

"Yeah, it is." said Victor. "To tell you the truth...I'm a little scared!"

"You're scared?" asked J.J. "Well, if you're scared, you can always have HIM do it."

"HIM doesn't come unless there's great danger to human life." said Victor.

"You're right." said J.J. as he backed away. "You'd better call him."

J.J. started looking for the manager of the stunt. He found him talking with the stunt coordiators and called out "Excuse me. I'd like to talk about Victor Prinsi."

"What about him?" asked the manager.

"What would it take to get him out of his contract?" asked J.J.

Pamela had gone to get a snack. When she came back, she found J.J. arguing with the man. Finally, J.J. walked back towards her and the bomb.

"Good news." he said. "The stunt manager is willing to let Victor out of his contract."

"Really?" said Pamela. "What did you have to do?"

"I have to do the stunt." said J.J. Pamela looked at him in shock. "Relax, I'll be fine." he said. "I know that Victor doesn't want to do it, so we're good." He knocked on the bomb.

"Dah dah daaaaaah!" called the voice from within.

"Oh shit." groaned J.J. as he undid the latch on the bomb and opened the hatch. Sure enough, Victor had donned his mask and cape and become his daredevil persona...Captain Chaos.

"J.J!" he called.

"Captain Chaos." greeted J.J.

"Long time no see." said Chaos.

"Nice to see you, Chaos." said J.J. "Listen, I was wondering if you'd do me the honor of letting me do the stunt for you."

"Have no fear, HIM is here." announced Chaos.

"It would make me really happy." said J.J.

"You want it?" said Chaos. "You got it!"

"Okay." said J.J.

Chaos stepped out and J.J. stepped in. Chaos slammed the hatch shut and said "What a guy!"

----------

In Las Vegas, Jamie Blake was entertaining a lady friend in his hotel room.

"So, how about a continuation?" he asked.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Okay, how about a dry martini?" he said. He went to the hotel's mini bar and picked up a pair of martini glasses. Before he could go to his lady, someone knocked on the door.

"I know you're in there, Blake! I can hear the ice cubes! This is me, Fenderbaum, so open up!"

Blake walked over to the door and peered through the peephole at his teammate.

"Blake, I know you're in there." said Fenderbaum. Just then, he noticed the peephole and looked through into Blake's eye. Blake snuck away so Fenderbaum wouldn't see him. Fenderbaum stepped away and suddenly had a flash of brilliance. "The Candyman's here." he chirped as he walked away.

Blake turned his attention back to his lady and picked up the pair of martini glasses. "Everybody needs somebody sometime." he sang as he entered the bedroom.

He walked over to his date and presented the martini glasses. She looked at one, then the other. Both were empty.

"When I make a dry martini, I make a dry martini." he joked. She laughed and they started to kiss. A few seconds later, a knock at the window interrupted them.

"Someone's at the window." said Blake's date.

"It's probably a window cleaner." said Blake.

A second later, another knock was heard.

"Honey, who is it?" asked the date.

"There's nobody there." said Blake.

"Blake?" asked Fenderbaum. "Open up the window!"

"I'll be right back." said Blake. "Don't go away."

Blake walked over to the window and noticed Fenderbaum right outside. He threw the window open.

"Whatever it is, not now!" he groaned.

"Blake, I gotta talk to you now!" whispered Fenderbaum.

"You gotta?" asked Blake.

"Yes." said Fenderbaum.

Blake picked up his date's shoe and hit Fenderbaum's hand with it. Fenderbaum let go of the windowsill and leaned away briefly. After shaking off the pain, he grabbed on again.

"Do you realize I am eighteen stories above the ground?" asked Fenderbaum. "Eighteen!"

"Eighteen?" asked Blake.

"Yes!" snapped Fenderbaum.

Blake looked back at his date, then turned back to Fenderbaum.

"Eighteen?" he asked.

"Yes!" gasped Fenderbaum.

Blake picked up his date's other shoe and hit both of Fenderbaum's hands. Fenderbaum let go of the windowsill and dropped out of sight. Blake went to close the window and Fenderbaum stood up without holding on to anything.

"You know you're the tallest man I've ever seen?" asked Blake.

"Look, just read this, will ya!" said Fenderbaum as he took out a telegram. "Just read this. This is from the Drake. They're going to start the Cannonball again. A million dollars is the first prize. And you know what that means? The winner will be ONE MILLION DOLLARS RICHER..." He started to fall away from the window, but Blake grabbed his shoulder.

"Easy now, easy!" said Blake. "Look, don't come out. I'll come in." With that, Blake climbed out the window.

"Blake!" called his date. "Where are you going?"

"I gotta do this." said Blake. "It's a million dollars."

"You creep!" she yelled.

Blake and Fenderbaum lowered their scaffold. "Where did you get the scaffold?" asked Blake.

"Huh?" replied Fenderbaum. "I thought this was the elevator."

----------

J.J. laid in the bomb as it was being flown to the drop zone. Besides the terror of the upcoming drop, he also had to deal with the pilot's attrocious singing.

"The ship's aground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle..." sang the pilot. "...with Gilligan, the Skipper too, the millionaire and his wife, the movie star, the professor and Mary Ann here on Gilligan's Island! Hey, I thought you might have a request."

As the pilot continued to sing, J.J. yelled "Hey! Hey!"

"What? What?" replied the pilot.

"I want out of here!" yelled J.J.

"You asked for it!" called the pilot.

The pilot steered back towards the drop zone. The crowd watched the plane approach.

"Here he comes." said Pamela.

"That's my partner." said Victor. "What a team!"

The pilot took his best aim and laughed. J.J. screamed. The bomb dropped.

The bomb plunged towards the ground and ricocheted. J.J. screamed again. The bomb ricocheted again.

J.J. screamed again as the bomb flew towards a parked RV. The people around it jumped out of the way just before the bomb tore through the RV.

J.J. screamed again as the bomb tore the tail section off a plane.

J.J. gave one last scream as the bomb finally flew into the target. As predicted, the bomb pierced the target, then the net, then crashed into the hay.

Victor, Pamela, and the manager ran over to the crash site to join the crash crew.

"J.J, are you alright?" asked Victor. "That was...wow, that was..."

"Ah, shut up and get me out of here!" groaned J.J. The crash crew went to work and opened the bomb. Within seconds, he was out and walking around.

"That was amazing!" said Victor. "What a hit! What a hit! J.J...J.J, you seem a little shorter."

"Are you okay?" asked Pamela.

"Yeah, I'm okay." said J.J. "I whacked my head pretty bad, but I'm fine."

"That was incredible!" said the manager. "Look, if we do this ten times a day, by the end of year, we'll be billionaires. What do you say?"

J.J. picked up a handful of hay and stuffed it in the man's mouth.

"What?" asked the manager.

"You want me to do this ten times a day?" yelled J.J.

"Nine?" asked the manager. J.J. stuffed another handful of hay in his mouth. "What a grouch!"

"So, that's it, huh?" said Victor.

"Yup." said J.J. "Let's see what we can come up with for the race. Oh, Victor, you have a passport, right?"

"Yeah, why?" asked Victor.

"According to the telegram," said J.J. "this year, the race is being held in Australia."

"Australia?" asked Victor. "Alright!"

----------

In Los Angeles, Marcie Thatcher sat in a diner and surfed the internet. She looked when she heard engines.

Outside, three cars drove down the street and pulled into the diner's parking lot. First to park was Jill Boyd's Honda Civic. She climbed out as Steve Carter's RSX pulled in next to her. Pete Rivers' Toyota Corolla Levin pulled in beside Steve's car. The two guys climbed out and nearly hit their doors together. The three walked towards the diner and entered.

"Hey, Marce." said Jill. "What's up?"

"Just trading e-mails with another racer in Perth." said Marcie. "That's where the Cannonball is starting this year."

"Why are they running it in Australia?" asked Steve.

"Well apparently, thanks to Mr. Foyt, the Cannonball got some unwanted attention last year." explained Marcie. "Because of that, the police are keeping an ever watchful eye on any place that might be used as a starting line. But that's only in America, so..."

"They're not keeping an eye on Australia." said Pete glumly. "That's brilliant."

"What's with him?" asked Marcie.

"He lost a race last night." said Jill. "Worst way too."

"Newbie?" asked Marcie.

"Ricer." said Jill.

Marcie groaned. "White Prelude?" she asked.

"Hey, that guy never beats anybody." said Steve.

"Stinking little Tiburon is what." said Pete. "I don't know how, but he bested me."

"Hold on." said Marcie as she checked her e-mail. "Yes! We've got a response."

"I don't believe it." said Steve. "You're trading e-mails with an Australian racer so you can visit a friend down there."

Jill and Marcie laughed. "Not that simple." said Jill.

"What do you mean by that?" asked Steve.

"Marcie's not just hoping to meet this girl." said Jill. "She's hoping to borrow a car from her for the race."

"Not hoping." said Marcie. "I just finalized the deal. We've got a car. Hang on."

"What? What?" asked Pete.

"She says she has another car she can lend us." said Marcie. "Steve, Pete, should I tell her we can borrow that as well, or are you not coming?"

"You want us to come with?" asked Steve.

"Why not?" said Jill. "The more there are, the less chance the police will notice us."

"I'm in if Petey's in." said Steve.

"I'll come if you want." said Pete.

"Then it's settled." said Marcie as she replied to her e-mail. "Look out, Australia."

----------

"I can't believe we're going to Australia." said Victor as J.J. drove to the shop.

"Don't get too excited." said J.J. as he held his head while driving. "We still need a game plan. We have to come up with some way of evading the police."

"I think we should take advantage of the fact that the race is being held in Australia." said Pamela. "You know, we might get a great idea which would only be good in Australia and really start kicking ourselves if we don't use it."

"That's a good point." said J.J. "Thanks, Pamela."

"How about an opal miner?" asked Victor.

"I don't know if there is such a thing." said J.J. as he turned onto another road.

"We could do a road train." said Pamela.

"No, too big and slow." said J.J. "Plus, I don't think they allow those in the big cities."

"An ice cream truck's still open." said Victor.

"No, it's not." said J.J. as he turned towards the main road.

"So, what does that leave us with?" asked Pamela.

"I dunno." said J.J. "Maybe a...whoa!" He slowed down when he saw a pair of police cars blocking off the road.

"What's going on here?" asked Victor.

"I dunno." said J.J. "I wasn't speeding. My inspection sticker's okay."

One of the state troopers walked over to the Camaro's driver side window, which J.J. rolled down.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked J.J.

"Pataki's paying us a visit." said the trooper. "His motorcade's coming through here."

"It's okay, guys." J.J. told Victor and Pamela. "Just the governor."

"Oh, that's a relief." said Victor. "I thought we were in trouble for a second."

The governor's motorcade drove by a second later. "Look at that." said J.J. "Must be good to be the boss."

"Yeah, I wonder what it would take for a goob like me to get a ride like that." said Victor.

Suddenly, J.J's eyes widened with a flash of brilliance. "Victor, you're a genius!" he said.

"Yeah?" replied Victor. "Yeah!" He went to shake hands with J.J, then retracted his hand. They then wiggled their fingers together. J.J. then tapped his temple with his finger. Victor responded by tapping him in the forehead. Unfortunately, that's where it still hurt.

"Ow!" yelled J.J.

"Sorry! Sorry!" said Victor.

----------

In Japan...

"Michael!" yelled Jackie Lewis as he entered the lab. "Great news!"

"What is it?" asked Michael North.

"It's a telegram from the Drake." said Jackie. "He's starting another Cannonball. He's giving out a million dollar first prize."

"Wow." said Michael. "When is it taking place?"

"Two weeks." said Jackie.

"Whoa, that's pretty short notice!" said Michael.

"There's more." said Jackie. "The race is being held in Australia."

"It doesn't matter where it's held if we can't get a car." said Michael.

"What do you mean we can't get a car?" asked Jackie. "We work for Mitsubishi now. They have a well-known automotive division."

"I think you're forgetting something." said Michael. "Since nine-eleven, Australia's customs waiting period has been extended to a full week. I don't think we can get a car into the country in time for the race."

"Maybe we can get a car after we get to Australia." said Jackie.

"Not a chance." said Michael. "Rentals are too slow and we can't afford to buy one."

"Then maybe you'd appreciate some corporate assistance." said their boss, Mr. Takeshiro.

"How much did you hear?" asked Jackie.

"Enough to know I want to help." said Takeshiro. "I'll help you get a car and get into the country in time for the race. In return, I'd like you to represent the company in the race."

"If we have to, why not?" said Jackie.

"I'm in." said Michael.

"Good, now come." said Takeshiro. He led them to another room and told them "Many of the vehicular gadgets you've created since you started working on our payroll have been installed in a car we have in here. We are prepared to let you use it."

"Thank you!" said Michael.

"And due to your national origin," said Takeshiro "we decided to use one of our American market cars."

Jackie and Michael walked into the room and took a look at their car. Michael let out a squeal when he saw it. In front of them was a brand new, jet black Eclipse.

----------

In Kentucky, Terry Fletcher was on the phone.

"Yeah, can I have Bathurst Raceway in Australia?" he asked. "I know it's transcontinnental and I'll accept the charges."

"Honey, who are you calling?" asked his wife, Sarah.

"I'm trying to reach Mel." he said. "What's that? Is Melvin Sharp there?"

"The Cannonball, isn't that what you were doing last year?" asked Sarah.

"Yeah, I promised you an exciting honeymoon." said Terry.

"Mel Sharp here. Who is this?"

"Mel, it's Terry."

Mel groaned. "What do you want?" he asked.

"You remember the Cannonball last year?" asked Terry. "Well, they're running it again. You want in?"

"No." replied Mel.

"Did I mention the race is being held in Australia this year?" asked Terry. "Don't you see? It's destiny."

"Do you remember why I'm in Australia?" asked Mel. "Because I got arrested for taking part in the Cannonball last year and they banned me from NASCAR! Now, I'm taking part in the V8 Brutes series races here because no one in America will take me!"

"Look, how many times can I say 'I'm sorry'?" asked Terry. "Do I even have to mention the million dollar prize?"

"Did you say a million dollars?" asked Mel.

"Yeah, a million." said Terry.

"Is that American dollars or Australian dollars?" asked Mel.

"It doesn't matter." said Terry. "A million dollars is a lot of money, no matter what country it's in. Even your third would be a hell of a lot."

"Third?" asked Mel.

"Yeah, Sarah's coming too." said Terry.

"Who's Sarah?" asked Mel.

"My wife." said Terry.

"Oh." said Mel. "Where and when do I pick you up?"

"Next Monday at the airport in Perth." said Terry. "Around three o'clock local time.

"Okay, see you two there." said Mel.

"Bye." said Terry just before he hung up. "We're in."

----------

A week later, J.J, Victor, and Pamela were at LAX waiting for their connecting flight to Australia. They had just finished lunch.

"Good thing we had an hour's layover." said J.J. "I was hungry."

"How long until we have to catch our flight?" asked Victor.

"About fifteen minutes." said J.J. "Good thing since we still haven't met the guy the Drake's sending with us."

"Who is he?" asked Pamela.

"His name's Brad Compton." said Victor. "I used to work for him. He's the guy who told the Drake about the Cannonball."

"Victor's the guy who told Brad." said J.J. "Compton would've entered himself, except he couldn't clear his schedule."

"Hey, J.J!"

The guys turned around to see the Drake approaching. Ron and the Drake's financial advisor, Susan, were with him. "Nice to see you made it." said the Drake.

"Nice to see you too." said J.J. "I thought you had a bad ulcer."

"I'm gonna get that taken care of." said the Drake. "By the way, I'd like you to meet the guy you're going to be racing with." he added as Brad walked around the corner.

"J.J. McClure? Brad Compton. Nice to meet you." he said as he shook hands with J.J.

"Nice to meet you as well." said J.J.

"Hey, Brad." said Victor as he strolled over. "How the hell are you?"

"Victor!" exclaimed Brad. "My God, it is you!" The two hugged, then released. "Whoa, Victor, it's kinda hard to get close to you." said Brad. "Last time I saw you, you were a bit more svelte."

"Well, what can I say?" asked Victor. "When you're working in the pizza industry and things are slow, you tend to eat the inventory."

"Yeah, but that's not good for the Cannonball." said Brad. "You don't need a car, you need a Murcielago."

"Well, even with the extra tonnage, I'm still the best." said Victor.

"So, Drake, are we going to see everyone again?" said J.J. "You know, Jill and Marcie and Jackie and Maddog..."

"Oh, Maddog's not coming this year." said the Drake. "He caught that nasty flu bug that's been going around."

"Ouch." said J.J. "I hope he feels better soon."

"Hey, why'd you decide to run the race in Australia?" asked Victor.

"I was the one who convinced Drake to set the race in Australia." said Brad.

"Why's that?" asked Victor.

"Well, there's a band on my record label." said Brad. "They're called the Lectroids and they recently started a tour in Australia."

"Think we'll get to see them perform?" asked Pamela.

"Sadly, no." said Brad. "They broke up on stage last night."

"Oh." said Pamela.

"Hey, J.J!"

Everybody looked and saw Dr. Nicolas Van Helsing, who had ridden with J.J. and his team the previous year.

"It's a damn reunion." said J.J.

"What are you doing here?" asked Pamela.

"I got this." said the doctor as he produced a telegram like the one J.J. received.

"I hired him." said the Drake. "Say, when does our plane leave?"

"We should probably be boarding by now." said J.J. "Let's go."

----------

On the plane, the flight attendants finished their safety lecture.

"What's the deal on the car?" asked Victor.

"I called used car dealerships all over Perth before we left." said J.J. "One said they had a Holden Statesman stretch limo in relatively good condition ready for sale. They said they'd hold it for us."

"They're gonna hold the Holden." said Victor. "Did you discus our plans with Brad?"

"I'll wait 'til we're in the air." said J.J. as he looked out the window as the plane taxied down the runway. He saw a flag on top of the airport. The flag was dominated by alternating red and white stripes. In the upper corner closest to the pole was a field of dark blue with staggered rows of fifty white stars.

J.J. looked at the American flag for as long as he could. He knew it would be a while before he would see it again.

A.N:And so it begins. What do you think so far?


	2. Welcome to Australia

Cannonball Run 2004:Down Under 

Welcome to Australia

AN:The second chapter begins. I will acknowledge that I do not own any of the characters from "The Cannonball Run" or "Cannonball Run 2". I will also acknowledge that a couple of scenes were directly based on scenes from CR2.

I also see I have my first review. Thanks, Turbo Man. BTW, a road train is basicly a tractor-trailer with two (or maybe more) extra trailers. They're only found in Australia, so that's why Pamela included it in the Australian-exclusive list.

With that out of the way, let's go.

----------

Somewhere off the coast of Hawaii, the Drake held a meeting with his team in the plane's lounge.

"So, I see you got my telegram, doctor." said the Drake.

"You mean that yellow thing with the printing on it?" asked the doctor.

"Yes." said the Drake.

"Yeah, I got that. I read that." said the doctor. "Uh, what did it say?"

"It said I wish to employ your services to take care of my ulcer during the Cannonball Run." said the Drake. "Do you know much about ulcers?"

"Proctology is my specialty." said the doctor. "But I'm most likely the world's foremost expert on ulcers." He reached into his jacket and pulled out a flashlight. "In fact, I could probably give you a thorough examination right now. Open up!" He turned on the flashlight and extended his middle finger to perform the exam.

The Drake stared at him in confused shock. The doctor stuck his finger in the closest drink and stirred.

"I sterilized it!" he announced.

----------

In first class, Brad watched the in-flight movie. J.J. walked in and kneeled down next to him.

"Brad?" he said.

"J.J, is something wrong?" asked Brad.

"Well, it's kind of disheartening when one member of the team flies first class while the rest of the team flies coach." said J.J. "I just want to go over our game plan."

"Alright." said Brad. "What is it?"

J.J. looked around. "Okay, here's the deal." he said. "Victor and I have gotten our hands on a Holden stretch limo. We're going to supe up the engine and modify it so it will pass as the limo of a VIP."

"Anyone in mind?" asked Brad.

"The President of the United States of America." said J.J.

"Whoa." said Brad. "Who are you going to get to fill those shoes?"

"Here's our idea: you." said J.J.

"Me?" said Brad.

"Of course." said J.J. "All you have to do is act like the president and ride in the back.

"I can do that." said Brad.

"Good." said J.J. "You'll make an excellent Cannonballer."

----------

Back in the lounge, the Drake was finishing up his meeting with the doctor.

"Okay, here's the deal." said the Drake. "You will ride in the car with me. Susan will be flying to Brisbane to organize the finish and Ron will be riding with us."

"How tragic." said Susan sarcasticly, remembering the Drake's extremely poor driving the previous year.

"Sir, why don't you have Susan ride with you?" asked Ron. "You know, you might find a great business opportunity to discuss with her."

"No, I need you to come with and protect me." said the Drake. "I can't bring you both because it'll be too much weight. If I see a business opportunity, I can discuss it with her after the race."

Ron turned to Susan and whispered "I am so going to get you for this."

"Okay." said the doctor. "Now, before we go any further, there is the matter of my fee."

The Drake held his hand out to Susan and snapped his fingers. Susan opened her briefcase and took out a stack of money.

"Since this excursion will be taking me away from my practice..." said the doctor.

Susan handed the stack of money to Ron.

"...I will be requiring adequate compensation." said the doctor.

Ron handed the money to the Drake.

"I will be requiring compensation of..." said the doctor.

The Drake handed the money to the doctor.

"...about that ammount." said the doctor as he looked over the money in his hand.

----------

Willy walked down the street in Perth. He came upon a hotel and entered the bar. He was a little surprised by the activity there.

"Hey, Gary." said Willy. "What's going on here?"

"Some American rich guy is using the hotel as a staging area." said Gary, the bartender. "It's the Cannonball."

"What?" asked Willy.

"The Cannonball." repeated Gary. "You see, it's a race from Perth to Brisbane. It's lots of fun."

"Really?" asked Willy.

"Really." said Gary. "People from all over Australia and the U.S. are coming to take part. Better get a move on if you'd like to get in."

"That's interesting." said Willy. "Well, I'll see ya."

With that, Willy left the hotel and ran down the street. About a block away, a large man named Rocco jumped out of an alley and punched him in the stomach. He dropped like a stone.

Another man named Alex stepped out of the alley, picked up Willy by the collar, and said "Willy, my good man, you're just the person we wanted to see. Big Donnie's been looking for you."

----------

Victor was asleep on the plane as it landed. J.J. gently shook him awake.

"Victor? Victor?" he said.

"No school..." muttered Victor.

"Victor?" asked J.J.

"What? What's going on?" asked Victor.

"We're here." said J.J. as he pointed out the window. On top of the airport was a flag dominated by a blue field with six white stars on it. In the upper corner of the flag closest to the pole was a smaller version of the British Union Jack.

It was the flag of Australia.

**Traveling in a fried-out combi.  
On a hippie trail, head full of zombie.  
I met a strange lady. She made me nervous.  
She took me in and gave me breakfast. **

Do you come from a land down under  
where women glow and men plunder?  
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?  
You'd better run. You'd better take cover.

-"Down Under" by Men At Work

----------

In the airport's customs hangar...

"Okay, I have to catch my flight to Brisbane." said Susan. "Good luck."

"Thanks." said the Drake. "We're off to get our car."

As Susan left, Ron turned to the Drake and said "I hope you realize the customs waiting period for Australia has been extended to a week due to the September 11th terrorist attacks."

"I'm aware and I've taken precautions." said the Drake.

A customs official walked over and said "Mr. Drake? Your car has passed the required waiting period and is waiting for you."

"Thank you very much." said the Drake as he and his entourage walked to the car. They soon came upon a blue BMW 545i. "Shall we?" asked the Drake.

The Drake climbed into the driver's seat, the doctor got into the passenger seat, and Ron climbed in back. The Drake then started the car and drove out of the hangar.

"Hey, there's a mini-fridge back here." said Ron.

"Yeah, I stocked it just before I brought it here." said the Drake. "Ron, make me a salami sandwich please."

The Drake then became the first Cannonballer to get his car on Australian pavement. A second later, he became the first Cannonballer to forget that Australians drive on the left. He narrowly avoided a collision with a Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution.

----------

Elsewhere in Perth, a white Holden Commodore pulled into a nightclub's parking lot. Alex and Rocco climbed out. Alex opened the car's back door and Willy jumped out and tried to make a run for it. Rocco grabbed him and said "Come along, ratbag."

Inside, an older man waited in an office. The two toughs burst in and tossed Willy onto the floor. Willy looked up at the older man and gasped "Big Donnie!"

"G'Day, Willy." said Big Donnie. "I trust Alex and Rocco weren't too rough with you."

"One punch from Rocco." said Alex.

"That's all it takes." said Rocco.

"Willy, Willy, Willy." said Donnie. "I did you a big favor when I gave you 'til today to pony up the money you owe me."

"But, Donnie, I..." pleaded Willy.

"Shut up." ordered Donnie. "Alex, how much does he owe?"

"As of nine-thirty..." said Alex as he worked with a calculator. "...he owes...ten thousand..."

Donnie groaned sarcasticly.

Alex continued. "...three hundred, fifty four dollars and sixty five cents."

"Donnie, I'm doing the best I can!" yelled Willy.

"What?" yelled Donnie. "C'mere you!" He grabbed Willy by the collar and pulled him up to his face. "Y'know, I'm gonna do you another big favor. I'm gonna give you 'til tonight to give me some information I can use concerning someone else who owes me money. If you do not meet this deadline, do not bother to come back."

"Who do you want information on?" asked Willy.

"Rocco, give me the files on my outstanding markers." said Donnie.

Rocco walked over with a group of file folders. "You'll notice I removed yours." said Rocco. "Wouldn't that be tragicly ironic?"

Willy looked through the folders. He quickly took in the faces of the people in the folders, including Blake and Fenderbaum.

"You getting all this?" asked Donnie.

"Oh...oh, yes." said Willy. "I'll get you some info on these guys."

"Good, take him out for his rounds." said Donnie.

Alex and Rocco led Willy to the door. Willy turned to Donnie and asked "Just one question?"

Donnie motioned to Rocco. Rocco grabbed Willy by the back of the head and ran him towards the wall.

"Oh my God!" yelled Willy.

Willy rammed face first into the wall and Donnie walked over to him. "What was the question?" he asked.

"It'll keep, Donnie." said Willy.

"Good." said Donnie.

----------

"So, when does Mel get here?" asked Sarah as she and Terry walked out of the airport.

"I told him here and now." said Terry. "He should be here."

"Hey, Terry!" yelled Mel.

"Hey, how's it going, Mel?" said Terry as his old friend walked over.

"Pretty good down here." said Mel. "So, is this Sarah?"

"Yes it is." said Terry.

"Hi, Mel." said Sarah. "Remember me?"

"Oh yeah." said Mel, suddenly remembering who she was. "You're the girl Terry rescued from that biker gang last year."

"Yeah, my hero." said Sarah. "So, where's your car?"

"Parking lot." said Mel. "Come on."

The three walked into the parking lot. Mel turned to Terry and said "How did she track you down? As I recall, you didn't have much time to talk."

"She got the license number on the Chevelle and tracked it down." said Terry. "She was pretty shocked when she found out it was wrecked. But she kept looking and found me and we started dating and we've been married for about a month now."

"Here's the car." said Mel as he pointed to a white sedan.

"A sedan?" said Terry. "They've got you driving a sedan?"

"Two-doors are very hard to come by." said Mel. "However, four-door performance cars are rather commonplace here."

"So, what kind of car is this?" asked Sarah.

"This is a Ford Falcon XR8." said Mel. "It's pretty damn quick, I tell you."

"Is this what we're going to use in the race?" asked Terry.

"Unless you got something better." said Mel. "Let's go." he said as he climbed into the driver's seat.

----------

"Here's your sandwich, Mr. Drake." said Ron as he handed the salami sandwich to the Drake.

"Thank you." said the Drake.

"You'd better not, your highness." said the doctor as he took the sandwich. "That salami will kick the shit out of your ulcer."

"So, Mr. Drake." said Ron. "Do you think any of the other teams will be having problems with the week-long waiting period?"

"I'm counting on it." said the Drake. "Basicly, the teams will have to either have their cars in the country beforehand or buy their cars when they get here."

"Oh, that's devious." said Ron.

"Yeah, I know." said the Drake. "If anyone doesn't have their car in the country yet, they're in trouble."

----------

"Flight one-three-seven, report to hangar three." said the man in the control tower.

"Roger, tower." said the pilot. He turned to Mr. Takeshiro and said "No luck. They want us in customs. They're gonna impound your car for a week. That means you're gonna miss the race. What do you want to do?"

Mr. Takeshiro thought his question over and said "Okay, take it down."

"Y'okay." said the pilot. He switched on the speaker for the cargo bay and said "Jackie and Michael, change of plans. You're going now."

Michael put down his cheeseburger and groaned "Always when I'm eating."

Jackie wolfed down his ramen noodles and ran for the Eclipse. He leaned down and undid the securing straps.

The two climbed into the car with Jackie driving. Michael opened the glove compartment to reveal the control panel for the car's gadgetry. "Now, let's see what this stuff can do." he said.

"Button up." said Jackie as the plane's cargo hatch started to open.

"Roger." said Michael as he turned on the panel.

"Battlestations." said Jackie.

The plane landed on a road heading into Perth. Cars swerved out of the way. A second later, the Eclipse backed out of the plane and hit the road.

A police cruiser was heading for them as the plane took off again. Jackie performed a one-eighty and raced away.

"Dispatch, this is unit three-six in pursuit of a black Mitsubishi." said the officer. "Car was dropped out of a plane that made an illegal landing."

Jackie raced towards the city with the cruiser in hot pursuit. "Okay, make us invisible." he said to Michael.

The Mitsubishi and the cruiser raced past a sign for the Swan River.

"Unit three-six still in pursuit." said the officer. "He's heading for the Swan River."

"All set." said Michael.

The Mitsubishi raced towards a boat dock on the river.

"Adult swim!" yelled Jackie as the Mitsubishi drove off the dock and hit the water.

The police cruiser slid to a halt and the officer jumped out and ran to the dock. He saw the Eclipse cruising away on the water's surface.

Jackie and Michael laughed as they sped away. The officer returned to his car, picked up his radio, and said "I lost them, and don't ask me how!"

----------

Marcie walked over to the bench where Steve and Jill were sitting.

"Okay, I'm through customs." she said. "Let's go."

Steve and Jill got off the bench and joined Marcie. "You must be the only girl in America who takes a set of tools on vacation." said Jill.

"What can I say? I'm thorough." said Marcie. "Where's Petey?"

"Shopping." said Steve.

Pete ran over to the others with an artifact of some kind in his hand. "Check this out." he said. "It's a genuine Aborigine artifact." He handed it to Jill.

She looked at the back and said "I didn't know they had Aborigines in Taiwan."

"What?" said Pete as he took back the mass-produced tourist trinket. "Oh, damn!"

"Hey, Marce." said Steve. "Where's that girl we're supposed to meet?"

"Right there." said Marcie as she spotted a dark-haired young woman holding a sign that said "Thatcher". "Jessie!" she cried.

"Marcie Thatcher?" said the girl. "You did come."

"I promised." said Marcie. "Oh, Jessie. I'd like you to meet my team. This is Jill Boyd, Steve Carter, and Pete Rivers."

"Hi." said Jill.

"How ya doing?" asked Steve.

"Hey." said Pete.

"Guys, this is Jessica Munroe." said Marcie. "We talked on the internet and she's agreed to lend us a couple of cars for the race."

"I still can't believe they're running the Cannonball in Australia." said Jessie.

"You've heard of it?" asked Pete.

"It's the stuff of legend." said Jessie.

"Welcome to the legend that is the Cannonball Run." said Marcie.

"I guess I'll show you to your cars." said Jessie. "Come on."

The group walked out of the airport to find a man leaning against a Toyota Celica street racer. In front of the Celica was a Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution street racer.

"This is Lazlow, one of my teammates." said Jessie. "He'll be driving your guys around town, while I'll be your chauffeur."

"Why, thank you." said Jill.

"Would you like the tour?" asked Lazlow as he flipped the front seat of his Celica forward to let Steve in the back.

The girls climbed into the Evo. "So, is there any kind of car in particular you'd like?" asked Marcie.

"What do you mean?" asked Jill.

"Part of our deal was that Marcie would rig up a car for me when I go to visit the states next year." said Jessie. "I think I'd like something that's not available here."

"Guess that rules out a GTO." said Marcie. "They're based off the Monaro now."

----------

In downtown Perth, Blake and Fenderbaum were visiting an exotic car dealer. The salesman was showing them a bright red Maserati 3200GT.

"This is the latest to come from Maserati's factories in Italy." he said. "With its 3200cc V-8, producing..."

"We'll take it." said Blake.

"You'll take it?" asked the salesman. "Looks like you don't need a lot of arm-twisting."

"No, you see," said Fenderbaum. "we already picked this particular model out. We tracked you down because this is one of the best places in Perth to buy a high-end automobile."

"Would you like to make a deal?" asked the salesman.

"Sure." said Blake. He went on to detail a payment plan and where the car could be delivered. He was unaware of Willy walking by the dealership. Willy looked into the dealership and was shocked to discover his goal in sight.

"Well, I'll be." said Willy as he took a digital camera out of his jacket. He took a picture of Blake and Fenderbaum with the car.

"Wait'l Big Donnie sees this." he said.

----------

The Evo and Celica drove down the streets of Perth. In the Celica...

"On your right, you'll find St. George's Anglican Cathedral." announced Lazlow.

"You're a tour guide when you're not racing, huh?" asked Pete.

"Hey, you gotta know this burg." said Lazlow as he turned onto William Street. "We are now passing the Brass Monkey Hotel."

"What hotel?" asked Steve mischievously.

"The Brass Monkey." said Lazlow.

"That funky monkey!" sang Steve and Pete. They high-fived each other laughing.

"Beastie Boys." muttered Lazlow. "Okay, mates, we're here."

Lazlow followed the Evo into a garage and parked next to it. The girls had gotten out of the car.

"Welcome to our base of operations." said Jessie. "If there's anything you need for your automotive works, this is where you'll find it."

"Wow, this puts mine to shame." said Marcie.

"There's only one automotive work we'd like to find at the moment." said Jill.

"Oh, right." said Jessie. "Come along." Jessie led them out of the building into the back lot. "There they are." she said.

Marcie gasped. Jill said "No way." Pete and Steve squealed with delight. In front of them was a white Mazda RX-7 with black tear vinyls. A red Nissan with yellow side stripe vinyls was next to it.

"Like it?" asked Jessie.

"Oh my God!" squealed Marcie. "That's a Skyline!"

"You're impressed?" asked Jessie.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to get one of these in the states?" asked Jill. "Only two companies import them and the price is astronomical."

"And you can say you drove one for a week." said Jessie as Marcie opened the hood on the Skyline.

"Oh, this thing is fully eqipped." said Marcie. "CAI, strut tower brace, full engine electronics...is that a nitrous injector?"

"Only the best." said Jessie.

"This Rex is pretty wired itself." said Steve as he peered under the hood of the RX-7.

"When does this race start?" asked Lazlow.

"We've got five days." said Pete.

"Good, you can take that time to get used to driving these cars." said Lazlow. "Remember, we drive on the left here."

"Oy, just before we got to the airport, some nong in a BMW almost ran into us." said Jessie. "Had American plates and everything."

"Were they yellow plates that said 'New Jersey' on them?" asked Jill.

"If you're suggesting we get used to sitting on the right, you might want to let Pete drive." said Marcie. "Back in L.A, he's got a JDM."

"No kidding? What?" asked Lazlow.

"Toyota Corolla Levin." said Pete. "Chassis code AE111, turbocharger, NOS nitrous system, Bomex body kit."

"Bonzer." said Jessie. "Let me show you some of our other rides."

----------

"Did J.J. discus the fact that we're impersonating the president's men?" asked Brad.

"Are you kidding?" asked Pamela. "I helped him come up with the idea."

Just then, a black Holden Statesman stretch limo pulled into the hotel parking lot. The car almost hit a man standing on the corner with its wide turning arc. After it parked, J.J. and Victor climbed out.

"Okay, we've got the car." said J.J. "Let's get to work."

"I thought you said this thing was in relatively good condition?" said Brad.

"Yeah, well, it turns out 'relatively good' is a phrase whose meaning varies between car dealerships." explained J.J. "At used car dealerships, it's practically meaningless, so buyer beware."

"Also, much of the side damage was caused by me." said Victor apologeticly. "I'm just not used to driving a car this long."

"We've got almost a week." said J.J. "We can train you over that time."

"Don't we have to work on the car as well?" asked Victor.

"We'll work something out." said J.J.

"J.J, what about working on impersonating the president?" asked Brad.

"How tough can it be?" asked J.J.

----------

Back at the nightclub, Willy entered with his camera. "I've got information." he chirped.

"Let's see it." said Donnie. Alex took the camera and hooked it up to Big Donnie's desktop. A few seconds later, the picture he had taken came up on screen.

"What am I supposed to be seeing here?" asked Donnie.

"Those two are both on your list." said Willy.

"And you just happened to get this picture now?" asked Donnie skepticly.

"Well, yeah." said Willy.

"Who are these two?" asked Rocco.

"Let's see." said Alex as he searched through the files. "A-ha, Jamie Blake and Morris Fenderbaum. They owe..." Alex let out a whistle. "...thirty thousand dollars. The only problem is they haven't been to Australia in five years."

"And they're back." said Willy. "You can go after them."

"How do we know this picture wasn't taken five years ago?" asked Rocco.

"Because this is a brand new Maserati." said Donnie. "And it's right-hand-drive. Let's see if we can get these guys."

----------

AN:Ah, the plot thickens. Now that you've read, please review.


	3. The Calm Before the Storm

Cannonball Run 2004:Down Under  
  
The Calm Before the Storm  
  
AN:Sorry for the wait, but enjoy.  
  
A few days after Blake and Fenderbaum bought their Maserati, a sales representative drove it out of the dealership to deliver it. Just out of sight, Alex and Rocco sat in their Holden and started after it.  
  
"That's the 'Rati purchased by Blake and Fenderbaum." said Alex.  
  
"Where are we going?" asked Rocco.  
  
"We're trying to see where he's going." said Alex. "That's where we'll find the blighters."  
  
----------  
  
At the Maserati's destination, the Cannonballers were having their pre-race party.  
  
"So then, the Mini pulls up to an intersection." said Jill. "Then the driver takes a soda out of the cup holder and pops it open and the soda splatters all over the windows."  
  
Everyone else at the table laughed.  
  
"So, you did this race last year?" asked Jessie.  
  
"Did it? We won it." said Marcie.  
  
"You're kidding!" said Lazlow.  
  
"They're not." said Steve. "They took a souped-up, tricked-out Mister Two across America."  
  
"What did you do to it?" asked Jessie.  
  
"Kaminari body kit," said Jill "Blitz engine mods, Toyo tires, Ichiban interior, Cobra seats..."  
  
"Don't forget the Venom nitrous system." said Pete.  
  
"Yeah, that thing gave a lot of additional thrust." said Marcie. "I still have the Cobra logo imprinted on my back."  
  
----------  
  
"And so I was there in the lab and then I had the answer." said Michael as he talked to a girl in the bar.  
  
"Try someone more your type." said the girl as she walked away giggling.  
  
"Didn't you see 'Revenge of the Nerds'?" asked Michael.  
  
Michael walked back to Jackie and said "I'm not getting anything with these girls."  
  
"What do you expect?" asked Jackie. "You're telling them about your computer prowess."  
  
"What am I gonna talk about?" asked Michael. "My 'prowess' with satellite navigation?"  
  
"Better not." said Jackie. "You don't want them to warn the entire country."  
  
----------  
  
"And then the car shot forward and hit the police car and BOOM!" said Terry.  
  
"Was anyone hurt?" asked Sarah.  
  
"Luckily, no." said Terry as Mel returned to the table.  
  
"Here's your root beer." said Mel as he handed a glass of soda to Terry.  
  
"Wait, you're drinking milk?" asked Terry.  
  
"Yeah, I'm drinking milk." said Mel.  
  
"Aren't you afraid it's gonna curdle when it hits your stomach?" asked Terry.  
  
"My stomach died last year!" laughed Mel.  
  
----------  
  
The sales representative pulled the Maserati into the hotel's parking lot and parked it in an empty parking space. The Holden was right behind it.  
  
Alex climbed out of the Holden and looked around. "Crikey!" he said. "Look at all this high performance hardware!"  
  
"What's going on here?" asked Rocco. "High performance car meeting?"  
  
"No." said Alex. "Blake and Fenderbaum needed that car. Looks like something weird. Okay, here's the plan."  
  
----------  
  
"If we win..." said Pamela.  
  
"WHEN we win." corrected J.J.  
  
"Sorry." said Pamela. "WHEN we win, I'll use the money to buy up some land in the Brazilian rain forest and tell the loggers to beat it."  
  
"Know what I'm gonna do with the money?" asked Victor. "I'm gonna buy my mom a great big, brand new house. And then, I'm gonna buy my nephew a pony."  
  
"Better get the kid a shovel." said Pamela. "You know, because ponies..."  
  
She and Victor laughed. Victor then turned to J.J. and asked "So what are you gonna do with the money?"  
  
"My money's gonna be gone before I even get to the car." joked J.J. He snapped his fingers for effect.  
  
"I'm gonna get some more drinks." said Pamela. She got up and went to the bar.  
  
J.J. watched her walk away. "You know, a man can't live on bread alone." he said.  
  
"I can." said Victor. "I love bread. My favorite is..."  
  
"I'm not talking about that." said J.J. sternly. "I mean women."  
  
"Oh yeah." said Victor.  
  
"I'm glad I've got Pamela." said J.J.  
  
"I wish I had a girl." said Victor.  
  
"You?" asked J.J.  
  
"Yeah." said Victor. "I'm not a eunich, you know."  
  
"Of course you're not a eunich." said J.J. "Don't put yourself down like that. You have a striking resemblance to a eunich, though...just kidding. You can probably have one of my ex-girlfriends."  
  
"Oh, I couldn't do that." said Victor. "Well, maybe just one to clear up my complextion."  
  
They both laughed.  
  
"So tomorrow..." said J.J.  
  
"So tomorrow..." repeated Victor.  
  
"We turn over a new leaf." said J.J.  
  
"New leaf." said Victor.  
  
"Up and clean." said J.J.  
  
"Up and clean." repeated Victor.  
  
Pamela returned and said "You know, I think I've had enough to drink tonight. Maybe we should spend some time together alone?"  
  
"But tonight, down and dirty." said J.J. He got up and joined Pamela.  
  
"So what do you want to do?" asked Pamela.  
  
"I don't know." said J.J. "Maybe we should go somewhere and talk about pistons and camshafts."  
  
"Coming, J.J." said Victor as he stood up to go after them. When he realized they were going off alone, he turned and danced back to the table.  
  
----------  
  
The sales representative entered the bar and said "Jamie Blake?"  
  
"Over here." said Blake.  
  
"I have brought your car." said the representative as he handed Blake the keys. "Here you go."  
  
"Thank you very much." said Blake.  
  
As the representative left, Blake turned back to Fenderbaum. "Think we have a chance this year?" he asked.  
  
"It's no problem." said Fenderbaum. "Everybody else is here for the first time, but we have experience with this country."  
  
"I know, but will it be enough?" asked Blake.  
  
"It's a cinch." said Fenderbaum. "Just look at these..." He looked around the room and saw something he didn't want to see: Alex standing in the entrance. He turned back to Blake and whispered "Do we still owe Big Donnie thirty thousand dollars?"  
  
"Did you pay him?" asked Blake.  
  
"No."  
  
"Well then, we still owe him thirty thousand dollars." replied Blake.  
  
"Well, one of his collection men came to collect it." said Fenderbaum.  
  
"Where? Where? Where?" asked Blake nervously.  
  
"He's at the front door, but don't look." said Fenderbaum.  
  
Blake looked.  
  
"I said 'don't look'!" whispered Fenderbaum. "Look, since he's at the front door, we'll go out the back door since he can't be in two places at one time."  
  
"Good suggestion." said Blake as he slowly got up.  
  
"Split city." said Fenderbaum as he followed.  
  
----------  
  
"We're gonna die!" moaned Blake as Rocco pulled him and Fenderbaum away from the back door. "We're gonna die! We're gonna die! What do you think they're gonna do to us?"  
  
"I don't know what they're gonna do to you," said Fenderbaum "but since Vin Diesel ain't here, I'm gonna be too busy licking their boots to see."  
  
Alex met the three in the kitchen.  
  
"Alex, my good man." said Blake, laughing nervously. "So nice to see you. So, what brings you to this hotel? Business or pleasure?"  
  
"Could you hand Rocco that cutting board?" asked Alex.  
  
"Okay." said Blake. He handed the cutting board to Rocco. Rocco took the cutting board and broke it over his own head.  
  
"Oh." said Blake. "It's business."  
  
"Now, I just want you to answer one question." said Alex. "You know that you were told not to come back to Australia unless you had the thirty thousand you owed Big Donnie. Instead, you use the money to purchase a new Maserati. The question is: Why?"  
  
"Look, we just wanted a nice car to drive while we went to get you your money." said Fenderbaum.  
  
"Okay." said Rocco. "You'll tell us."  
  
"We're going to race to Brisbane and the one who wins gets a million dollars in cash." said Blake.  
  
"Wait a minute." said Alex. "You're gonna race from Perth to Brisbane for a million dollars?"  
  
"Uh huh." said Fenderbaum.  
  
"Only a moron would back up a race like that!" yelled Alex.  
  
The Drake entered and said "Hey! Fenderbaum and Blake! Good to see you!" He wrapped his arms around their necks and said "You should be sleeping at this hour. Remember, we leave at noon tomorrow."  
  
Fenderbaum tried desperately to direct the Drake's attention to Alex and Rocco. The Drake noticed them...or rather, their shoes.  
  
"Wingtips?" muttered the Drake. "Unbelievable." He pulled out a stack of money, handed it to Rocco, and said "Come on. Try shopping at a decent clothing store. Now, if you don't mind, I have a party to return to."  
  
The Drake left and Blake said "That was the moron."  
  
"You know?" said Rocco as he looked over the money in his hand. "These liars could be telling the truth."  
  
----------  
  
Back at Party Central, Brad climbed onto the stage. "May I have your attention please?" he asked.  
  
"No!" yelled Jackie. The audience erupted in laughter.  
  
"Right now, we have some musical entertainment courtesy of our host, Seymour Drake Jr." said Brad. The Drake stood up and took a bow. Brad continued. "Originally, we had planned to use a band on my label that was touring Australia, the Lectroids. Unfortunately, they broke up last week. So, in their stead, ladies and gentlemen...the Vines!"  
  
The Cannonballers cheered as the Vines took to the stage. "No way!" yelled Jill. The band started into one of their songs.  
  
**That's the start, the middle, and the end  
****Aren't you glad the universe pretends  
****If I don't get this message home  
****Once again I'm gonna hate alone  
  
Ride with me  
****Ride with me  
****Ride with me  
****Oh**  
  
**Ride with me  
****Ride with me  
****Ride with me  
****unless you  
  
Bored aloud ignore the right to be  
****Invite me down because we like to see  
****The col****ours through your loaded mind  
****F--- the world and liberate our time  
  
Ride with me  
****Ride with me  
****Ride with me  
****Oh  
  
Ride with me  
****Ride with me  
****Ride with me  
****Yeah  
  
**Brad found the Drake during the bridge.  
  
"So nice of you to pick up the reins." said Brad.  
  
"Someone had to bring in some music." said the Drake.  
  
"Are you saying I couldn't?" asked Brad.  
  
"Did you?" asked the Drake.  
  
"I could've." said Brad. "You just beat me to it."  
  
"And you want to race me?" asked the Drake.  
  
"I will race you." said Brad. "I bet I could beat you, too."  
  
"Fine." said the Drake. "Fifty grand says your team's time will be better than mine."  
  
"Deal." said Brad. The two joined hands in a handshake.  
  
**I'm not waiting a long life  
****I'm not waiting alone  
  
Ride with me  
****Ride with me  
****Ride with me home  
  
Ride with me  
****Ride with me  
****Ride with me home  
  
**-"Ride" by the Vines  
  
----------  
  
Alex and Rocco returned to the nightclub late that night. They burst into Big Donnie's suite to report their findings. Unfortunately, he had already gone to bed.  
  
"Boss!" yelled Alex waking up Big Donnie.  
  
Big Donnie tumbled out of bed and yelled "What? Can't you see I'm trying to sleep?"  
  
"Check this out." said Rocco. He tossed the stack of money to Big Donnie. "We went after Blake and Fenderbaum."  
  
"They were with this yankee millionaire called the Drake." said Alex. "He's organizing a road race across the country."  
  
"He gave me that just because he didn't like my shoes." said Rocco. "I counted it. There's ten grand American there."  
  
"Rocco and I, we put our heads together." said Alex. "We're going to rip off the yankee on the road and steal the prize money."  
  
"Ay, you put your heads together, huh?" asked Big Donnie, still mad about being woken up. "It must've sounded like a bowling alley! You morons think too small. You shouldn't just take the prize money, you should take the Drake as well."  
  
"So you want us to rip off the yankee on the road and then kidnap him." said Alex.  
  
"What for?" asked Rocco.  
  
"What for?" yelled Big Donnie. "Ransom, you idiots! Ransom! R-A-N-S-U-M, ransom! Understand?"  
  
"Alright, I got it." said Alex. "Let's go."  
  
"You sound tense." said Rocco. "Are you getting enough sleep?"  
  
----------  
  
The next morning, the Cannonballers made some last minute preparations for the race. Some tried to make some more adjustments to their engines and drivetrains. Others stocked their cars with foodstuffs. Others posed for pictures with their cars.  
  
Pamela stood around the Holden stretch limo wearing a white blouse and a lavender skirt and jacket. She was doing her best to act like an official of the United States government. The limo was doing its part. It had been painted jet black and had black tinted windows. Small American flags were mounted to the front fenders.  
  
A pair of locals walked over to the car. "Excuse me, I heard the President was here." said one of them.  
  
"Yes, he is." said Pamela. "Hold on." She knocked on the window of the limo. It opened. "Mr. President, there's a pair of locals here."  
  
"I'm a little busy right now." said Brad, inside the limo doing a spot-on impression of Geroge W. Bush. "If it's okay, I'd like to just give them a quick hello...and nice country."  
  
"Thank you, sir." said the local. "Nice meeting you."  
  
"Okay, move it along now." said J.J. as he walked over with Victor. They were wearing black suits over white shirts. They also had on black shades and little earpieces for radio communication. In short, they were disguised as secret service agents.  
  
The locals walked off talking about their encounter with a world leader. J.J. walked over to the window and asked "You okay, Mr. President?"  
  
"I hope to God we don't get arrested!" whispered Brad. "Don't you know impersonating the President is a felony?"  
  
"Yeah, but he's gotten away with it so far." said Victor.  
  
AN:The political views expressed by the characters are not meant to represent those of the writer.  
  
----------  
  
"Hey, check it out." said Jill as she looked over the controls to the Skyline. "This thing's got a nitrous purge."  
  
"Really?" asked Marcie. "I wanted to put one of those on the MR2, but Venom didn't have one."  
  
"I've been thinking of getting one for the Civic." said Jill.  
  
"Does it work?" asked Marcie.  
  
Jill pushed the purge switch. A puff of white mist sprayed from the driver's side front fender.  
  
"Cool!" squealed Jill.  
  
----------  
  
"CPU?" asked Jackie as he checked the Eclipse's computer system.  
  
"Running fine." said Michael.  
  
"Gadgetry?" asked Jackie.  
  
"Ran a check." said Michael. "It's okay."  
  
"Food dispenser?" asked Jackie.  
  
"A little glitchy, but okay." said Michael.  
  
"GPS navigation?" asked Jackie.  
  
"Store bought." said Michael. They laughed and fived each other.  
  
----------  
  
"So what are you listening to?" asked J.J.  
  
"Local radio station." said Victor. "Top forty, pop, that sort of crap. You?"  
  
"Sports station." said J.J. "There's an Australian rules football game going on."  
  
"Who's winning?" asked Victor.  
  
"I dunno." said J.J. "I guess it helps to know the rules to Australian rules football."  
  
"Look at this." said Victor as Blake and Fenderbaum approached. The two of them were dressed as cops.  
  
"Well, well, well." said Fenderbaum. "Look what we have here."  
  
"You're trying this race disguised as Jehovah's Witnesses?" asked Blake. "Let me remind you: we tried that at the last race, dressed as priests and guess what? We didn't win. It didn't help us and ain't gonna help you."  
  
"Heckle and Jeckle dressed as cops." said J.J. "They oughta arrest their minds for vagrancy."  
  
"We're secret service agents." said Victor.  
  
"Is something going on here?" asked Pamela.  
  
"Hello." said Fenderbaum.  
  
"Now as a law enforcement agent," said Blake "I find it within my duty to submit this woman to a full body search."  
  
Victor gasped. "Shame on you!" he said.  
  
"Hey, this is my girlfriend you're talking about." said J.J. "That's a line you don't want to cross. Have a little respect!" He slapped Blake in the chest and walked away.  
  
Victor followed J.J. Pamela walked over to Blake and whispered something into his ear. When she walked away, Blake started acting very shocked. Fenderbaum walked over and looked at Blake inquisitively. Blake leaned over and whispered something into Fenderbaum's ear.  
  
Fenderbaum leaned away, stared at Blake, shook his head, and said "You're sick."  
  
AN:I see I have another review. Yes, Nightw2, this should be interesting.  
Brace yourselves, the race is starting in the next chapter.


	4. Wild Wild West

Cannonball Run 2004:Down Under 

Wild, Wild, West

The Drake stood on a stage overlooking the crowd. "Everybody, gather around." he said. "J.J, Victor, Blake, Fenderbaum. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the two-thousand four running of the Cannonball Run. Since you're here, you already know something's different. Instead of running across the U.S, we will be showing the Australians how we do it."

The crowd let out a cheer.

"There is another difference this year." said the Drake. "Last month, my friend Brad Compton and I were playing a game of pool discussing our fortunes. I told him 'I've got all this cash and I don't know what to do with it.' Then he told me 'Drake, be a sport. Spread the wealth before Microsoft gets it all.'"

The Cannonballers laughed.

"Therefore," said the Drake "I have decided to reward the winner of the race with the purse of...ONE MILLION DOLLARS!"

The crowd let out an even louder cheer.

"And without further ado," said the Drake "we will begin the race. Remember the golden rule: He who has the gold makes the rules. I go first."

The Drake walked over to one of two time clocks and punched his card in it. He then picked up a wine glass and said "Here is to good luck! May it all be mine." He downed the wine, tossed the glass over his shoulder, and jumped into his BMW. A second later, he was off.

----------

Elsewhere in Perth, Alex and Rocco were in an empty lot. Rocco was shooting at empty bottles with a silenced rifle. He hit all of them, despite being a good distance away.

"Nice shooting." said Alex. "You understand the plan, right?"

"How can I not?" replied Rocco. "You pull up behind the Drake's BMW and I shoot out the tires."

"That's correct." said Alex "But can you shoot that thing left-handed?"

"Watch me, jojo." said Rocco.

----------

The RX-7 pulled up to the start. Steve jumped out, ran over to the left time clock, punched the card, and jumped back into the Mazda.

"Floor it, Petey!" he yelled.

Pete threw on his shades and grabbed the steering wheel. He extended both of his thumbs as he hit the accelerator.

"Now, about the trip." said Brad as he climbed back into the limo.

"Ah, yes." said J.J. "I agree the accomodations will be a bit tight, but..."

"Dah, dah, daaaaahhhh!" called Victor, now Captain Chaos. "Gentlemen! It's good to be back."

"Does Victor have an identity problem?" asked Brad.

"No problem and no time!" said Chaos. "Let's get into the car and let's be off!"

Chaos got into the limo's driver's seat.

"Is Victor having some kind of mental crisis?" asked Brad.

"Jury's still out on that one." said J.J.

Jackie drove the Mitsubishi up to the starting line. Michael climbed out of the window.

"What are you doing?" asked Jackie.

"Watch my stuff." said Michael.

By the time the Mitsubishi reached the starting line, Michael had climbed to the roof. Jackie stopped at the starting line and Michael rolled down the A-pillar, jumped to his feet, and punched the right clock. Jackie started to pull out and Michael dove into the open window.

Blake and Jill were next to pull up. As Marcie was out punching the left clock,Blake was punching the right clock. Fenderbaum then noticed the Skyline, climbed out,and walked over to egg her on.

"If you think you're gonna reach Brisbane in that piece of shit, you're crazy!" he said.

"Oh yeah?" replied Jill.

"Yeah!" said Fenderbaum.

Jill responded by hitting the purge valve and blasting Fenderbaum with a cloud of nitrous.

The next car up was a Lotus Elise. After it pulled out, the Falcon took its place.

"Hold on, I need that." said Mel as the official handed him his time card.

"Honey, you okay back there?" asked Terry.

"Okay? I'm great." said Sarah. "This is going to be such an adventure."

The limo was just after the Falcon. After J.J. punched the card, they were off.

----------

The Drake raced down the street in his BMW. He raced past Alex and Rocco in their Holden.

"There's the Bimmer!" said Alex as he pulled out behind him.

"What if he spots us?" asked Rocco.

"Are you kidding?" asked Alex. "He probably won't even know I'm there."

Rocco leaned out the window with his rifle and aimed at the BMW's rear tires.

"Steady...steady." said Alex. "Now!"

Rocco fired a shot, but missed.

"Easy now. Easy now." said Alex. "Now!"

Rocco fired another shot. It ricocheted off the BMW's wheel arch.

"Now!" said Alex.

Rocco fired another shot. This one hit the BMW's bumper.

Rocco pulled the gun back inside and reloaded. "You're not holding the wheel steady enough!" he admonished.

"Hey, you wanna drive?" asked Alex.

Alex pulled up to the back of the Drake's BMW and got into position.

"Hit 'im!" called Alex.

Rocco started to lean out the window to make another shot. Unfortunately, Alex hit a pothole and Rocco pulled the trigger by accident. He ended up putting a shot through the car's windshield and hood. Steam and oil sprayed from the bullet hole as the engine started to conk out.

Alex managed to pull the car off to the side of the road and bring it to a stop.

"I think we need a new plan." said Rocco.

----------

Pete raced through the streets of Perth in the RX-7. He weaved around the slower cars and came out to the front of the pack. Next to him was a Toyota Supra street racer.

"Hey!" called the Supra's driver. "I don't think Lazlow's gonna be so jazzed about you racing in his Rex. Especially since you're probably gonna lose in that thing. What do you say?"

Pete responded by raising his right fist...with his middle finger extended.

"If that's the way it's gonna be, then that's the way it's gonna be." said the Supra driver. He flipped open the cover on his gearshift and flipped his nitrous switch.

The two cars passed the next intersection and took off racing. The Supra started to take the lead, but the RX-7 closed it quickly. The two cars parted when they came to a slower car and swerved around it.

The cars continued weaving around slower cars until they came to a clear stretch.

"You're pretty good." said the Supra driver. "But I don't think you'll last much longer."

Just then, the Supra's right front tire blew out. The driver screamed as he fought to regain control over his car, but to no avail. He careened across two lanes of oncoming traffic and crashed through the window of a store. Ironicly, it was a tire store.

The attendant ran out of his office and over to the driver's side of the Supra. "Are you alright?" he asked.

The Supra's driver sneered and gave him the finger.

----------

Just outside the city, the Holden limo raced down Highway 30 towards Albany. Brad sat in the back in the seat closest to the privacy window. Pamela sat in the furthest back seat with her legs crossed. Brad looked up at her. She noticed him.

"Stop looking up my skirt!" she yelled.

"I wasn't..." he protested.

"You were!" she said.

He turned around and opened the privacy window. Chaos was driving and J.J. was riding shotgun.

"J.J, I think your girl is a little on the paranoid side." said Brad before he looked at the instrument cluster. "Aren't we going a little above the speed limit?"

"Yes, a hundred and forty." announced Chaos.

AN:This is in miles per hour.

"You see, this is a race." said J.J. "The goal is to go as fast as possible."

Chaos swerved around a police car without reducing his speed.

Brad looked back at the police car in shock. "Uh, we just passed this police car." he said.

J.J. looked at the police car. "Oh, that's okay. We pass them all the time." he said.

"Sarge, are we doing one-twenty?" asked the officer in the police car's passenger seat.

AN:This is in kilometers per hour.

"We sure are." laughed the sarge.

"Did they just pass us like we were standing still?" asked the officer.

"Yeah and I'll tell you what." said the sarge. "Fasten your seatbelt, 'cause you're about to take part in your first high speed pursuit and capture."

The police car raced after the limo, lights and sirens in full effect.

"The police car is chasing us." said Brad through gritted teeth.

"Oh." said J.J. "He probably recognized me."

Brad tried to laugh it off, but then collapsed into tears. "I'm screwed!" he said. "That's it! I'm toast!"

Pamela tried to get him to lighten up by lifting her skirt a little.

"Don't worry, Chaos has it all in hand." said J.J.

"Notice how I took that last turn?" asked the sarge. "High and wide, straight through the apex. Pick up about a hundred more coming up."

The police car rounded the next turn and discovered the limo had come to a stop. He swerved to avoid rear-ending it and spun out. The sarge regained control a second later, but ended up driving right into the ditch.

"Floor it, Chaos!" yelled J.J.

"Fly, baby! Fly!" said Chaos as he peeled out.

The sarge lifted his head from the deflating airbag and noticed his partner writing in his pad. "Whatcha writing?" he asked.

"The accident report." replied the officer.

----------

On Highway 94, Jackie raced along in the Mitsubishi.

"I'm thirsty." said Michael. "I'm gonna get something out of the snack unit."

"Are you still having problems with the delivery system?" asked Jackie.

"Yeah, but they should be working now." said Michael as he turned around and looked at the keypad. "Okay, soda." he said as he pushed the soda button. "Root beer." he said as he hit the requisite button.

The machine used a robotic arm to pick up a can of root beer and hand it to him.

"Thank you." said Michael as he grabbed the can.

The arm pulled the can away from him and pulled him face-first into the back of his seat.

"I said 'Thank you.'" said Michael as he tried to pull the can out of the arm's grip. "Come on, give it!"

Each time Michael tried to pull the can out of the robot's grip, it pulled back even harder. Jackie just watched in shock.

"Let it go, you stupid piece of junk!" yelled Michael. "Useless son of a bitch!"

Finally, the can popped out of the gripper and Michael went tumbling into the footwell. He climbed back into the seat with his root beer.

"Son of a bitch is crazy!" he yelled. "I'm talking mental crazy!" He opened his root beer and it almost exploded on him.

----------

Jill pulled the Skyline into a gas station and got out to fill the tank. Marcie noticed she wasn't looking very happy.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I'm just a little bored." said Jill.

"In the Cannonball?" asked Marcie.

"Well, it's just that I'm used to going one on one against opponents in quarter-mile dashes." said Jill.

"That didn't bother you too much last year." said Marcie.

"Well, it was the novelty of it all." said Jill. "I just need to race someone directly."

Marcie glanced over at a man putting air in the tires of his Ford Laser. "What do you say?" she asked.

"Let's see." said Jill.

Marcie walked over to the man and said "Hello there."

"Hi." said the man. "Can I help you?"

"We're looking for a little race." said Jill as she walked over.

"Oh, yeah. Yeah." said the man.

"Take a hike, loser." said Marcie.

The man was shocked.

"Yeah, get lost." said Jill.

The girls walked back to the Skyline.

"Well, that was a bust." said Marcie.

"Yeah, we need someone more of a challenge." said Jill as a silver S2000 pulled into the gas station. "Marcie, look!"

The S2000 pulled up to the girls and the driver rolled down his window and asked "Excuse me, is this the way to Kalgoorlie?"

"Yeah, it is." said Marcie. "Nice car. Doesn't sound stock, though."

"It isn't." said the S2K's driver. "I put in a Spoon F20G engine with head gasket, injectors, air cleaner, throttle body, and sports computer. Got a Mugen radiator and an Apex-I World Sport muffler. It's hot, baby."

"Hey, you up for a little highway dash?" asked Jill.

"You bet." said the S2000 driver.

"That's our Skyline." said Marcie. "First one to Kalgoorlie wins."

Jill paid for the gas, then she and Marcie got into the Skyline to start the race.

----------

Sometime later, the Maserati hit Highway 1. Soon after, a police car took after them.

"Blake, we've got a tail!" said Fenderbaum.

"Hang on, let me lose him." said Blake.

"Can't we talk our way out of it?" asked Fenderbaum. "We've got these uniforms."

"I'd really rather not risk it at the moment." said Blake.

"Why?" asked Fenderbaum.

"My license was suspended last month." said Blake.

"For how long?" asked Fenderbaum.

"I was supposed to show up for a court hearing yesterday." said Blake. "I wonder how it went?"

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" asked Fenderbaum.

"I kinda forgot when you told me about the million dollars." said Blake.

"Just lose this guy." groaned Fenderbaum.

The police car got right on Blake's rear bumper. "What is he going to do?" asked Blake.

"I don't know." said Fenderbaum. Just then, he saw the police had set up a spike strip.

"Brace yourself." said Blake. Hequickly cut the wheel to the left and spun the car. The police car hit the spike strips instead.

Blake maneuvered around the roadblock and continued towards the state line with South Australia.

"Is there anything else you wanted to tell me?" asked Fenderbaum.

----------

AN:And we're off. Sorry this was so low key. Don't worry. I've got something in mind for the next chapter.


	5. Southern Hospitality

Cannonball Run 2004:Down Under 

Southern Hospitality

AN:I know what you're thinking. "Wow, that was fast. He just updated two weeks ago." Well, I decided to get cracking because I promised I'd have this done by the end of the year. Well, here we go.

----------

As the sun was setting behind them, Terry and Sarah laid back in the Falcon's backseat.

"I can't believe it took us most of the day to cross one state." said Sarah.

"Well, you have to realize the states are larger down here." said Terry. "Therefore, it takes longer to cross them."

"You know, I was thinking." said Sarah. "Maybe we can get Mel to pull off at a motel somewhere down the road and...you know."

"Or maybe we can try to do it here and see how long before he notices." said Terry.

"Go ahead." said Mel. "I don't mind." Terry and Sarah looked up to see Mel leaning over the front passenger seat.

"Very funny, Mel." said Sarah.

Terry looked out the window and saw the car was still moving. "Uh, Mel?" he said. "Shouldn't someone be driving?"

"Relax, I've got the cruise control on." said Mel. He looked forward to see the back of a truck they were keeping pace with.

Just then, the truck pulled into the oncoming lane and revealed a trailer home it was passing. Terry and Sarah screamed as Mel tried to get back into the driver's seat to steer around the trailer...

...but he was too late.

The Falcon plowed into the back of the trailer and ripped right through it. The car came flying out the other end with the trailer's occupant clinging to the hood for dear life.

He looked through the windshield at the car's occupants and said "Let me guess. You set the cruise control and got in back for a threesome."

----------

It was almost completely dark as Pete turned on the RX-7's headlights.

"Steve, turn the dome light off!" yelled Pete. "I'm trying to drive!"

"Just checking the map." said Steve. "Check it. There's a roadhouse just down the road. Maybe we can stop and rest a little."

"In the middle of a race?" asked Pete. "How would that look if I went an eighth of a mile, stopped to rest, then finished the quarter mile?"

"Might take off the edge." said Steve.

"Alright, we'll stop." said Pete. "But just for ten minutes."

----------

In Adelaide, Alex and Rocco stopped by another of Big Donnie's clubs to work on a new plan.

"Come on, Rocco." said Alex. "The Drake must be in South Australia by now."

"Why are you asking me?" asked Rocco. "You're the brains of this operation."

"Too right." said Alex. "I'm out of ideas, though."

"Okay, what went wrong with the last plan?" asked Rocco.

"You shot the engine." said Alex.

"Wait, I've got an idea." said Rocco. "The last plan involved not attracting the Drake's attention. Maybe this time, we should try to attract his attention."

"Good idea." said Alex. "We'll lure him into a trap and then grab him!"

"Right!" said Rocco. "But what do we attract his attention with?"

"Good question." said Alex. "What?" He looked around and spotted a group of women looking at them. "I've got an idea." he said and walked over to the women. "Hi. How'd you like to make a thousand clams?"

----------

After night fell, Pete and Steve reached the roadhouse. They pulled into the parking lot and cut their lights. After they got out of the car, they noticed a familiar car.

"Hey, Pete." said Steve. "Does Mitsubishi sell Eclipses in Australia?"

"I don't think so." said Pete as he looked into the Eclipse. "They especially don't sell left-hand drive ones here."

"All that technology and they still have to make pit stops." said Steve as they walked into the place. No one was to be seen.

"Boy, this place is dead." said Pete.

"Psst!" whispered a voice. Pete and Steve looked to find Jackie trying to direct them out of the place.

"What are you saying?" asked Steve.

"He's saying you're toast." said another voice. Steve turned around and looked right into the barrel of a shotgun.

Three more men with guns popped up out of hiding. So did several people who were holding up their hands in surrender.

"Get over there!" commanded the man with the gun. Steve and Pete walked over to where Jackie was.

"What's going on?" asked Steve.

"We stopped so Michael could take a piss and walked right into the middle of a robbery." said Jackie.

"Where's Michael?" asked Pete.

"Still in the bathroom." said Jackie. "They let him go so they wouldn't have to deal with him jumping around."

"Hey, check to see if that guy is still in there." said the man with the shotgun. "It's been twenty minutes."

"He's probably fixated on the water spinning the other way." said the bathroom guard.

He walked into the bathroom and saw the window open. "What?" said the guard. "Oh shit!" he added as he walked over to investigate. He looked out the window to see if he could see where Michael had gone. He would've known where if he had turned around. Michael was sneeking out of the stall and up behind the guard.

Michael grabbed the guard and wrestled him into the wall. They staggered together out the door into the main room. When they got there, Michael wrestled the guard stomach-first into a pool table.

The man with the shotgun aimed at them, but Jackie vaulted over the table and karate kicked the shotgun out of his hands. Pete and Steve went after the other robbers.

Michael continued to beat up the bathroom guard as Pete ran over to pick up a pool cue. Michael threw the man over the pool table and grunted.

"Hey, you look like an athelete!" said Pete.

"Thanks!" said Michael. "I was on the football team in..." He was cut off when the bathroom guard and one of his cohorts tackled him.

"Well, you can probably handle yourself." said Pete as he walked over to Steve.

Jackie delivered a series of punches, strikes, and kicks to the man who used to have a shotgun.

Steve repeatedly threw punches at another of the robbers. However, the guy wasn't even showing any reaction to the strikes.

"Hey, if you fight like that, you won't last five minutes in East L.A." said Pete. He then took the pool cue and hit the thug in the knee. When he bent over in pain, Pete hit him over the head with the pool cue and knocked him out. "Now, that's the way it's done!"

Michael shoved one of his opponents into the wall, then threw the other over the pool table. Both were taken out of the fight. Just then, Jackie finished off the leader.

The Cannonballers looked around at the injured robbers and breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"You guys go." said the bartender. "I'll handle the cops."

"You got it." said Pete as he dropped the pool cue and left with Steve.

"Come on." said Jackie. "We've got a race to win. A million bucks!"

He and Michael started to leave when they walked between the leader of the robbers and the guy Michael threw over the pool table. Jackie saw they were both getting back up. He stopped, jumped into the air, and knocked them both back out with a split kick.

Jackie started to leave, then noticed that when he split kick the two thugs, he also split his pants. "Whoops." he muttered, then followed Michael out while holding his inseam together.

----------

The next morning, Victor was cruising along in the limo when he saw another police car in his rearview. Its lights were on.

"J.J, cops." said Victor.

"You've been driving all night." said J.J. "Are you up to escaping?"

"I don't think so." said Victor.

"Then pull over and let me do all the talking." said J.J.

Victor begrudgingly pulled over. After the police car pulled in behind them, J.J, Victor, and the officer climbed out.

"Good morning, officer." said Victor. "How's it going?"

"Ah, get out of the road, fat boy, before you get run over." said the officer.

"What seems to be the problem, officer?" asked J.J.

"We have speed limits in this country, mate." said the officer.

"Any of them have to do with an international incident?" asked J.J.

"What incident?" asked the officer.

J.J. started to answer, but was interupted by Victor saying "We can't talk about it, officer."

"What's going on here?" asked the officer. "Let me see your license!"

"No!" yelled Victor. "They might hit you instead."

"What are you boys trying to pull?" asked the officer.

"There's been an attempt on the president's life." said J.J. "We're trying to get him to a safe house in Brisbane."

"Why Brisbane?" asked the officer.

Unprepared for this question, J.J. did his best to ad-lib. "The assassin is alergic to it."

"Bullshit." said the officer. "I'm going to phone this one in."

He walked back to his cruiser, but before he got there, Brad opened the window on the limo and said in his best George W. Bush voice "What seems to be the problem?"

"Crikey." gasped the officer.

"Did my men do something wrong?" asked Brad, still impersonating Bush.

"Is that really him?" asked the awestruck officer.

"Accept no impostors." said Victor. J.J. kicked him in the leg and he gasped "Ow."

"Well, how about that?" said the officer. "I guess I can do my part and give you an escort to the county line."

"Oh, thank you." said Victor.

He and J.J. walked back to the limo. Before they got there, the officer asked "By the way, did you get a look at that assassin?"

J.J. had a sudden brainstorm. "Yes." he said. "It was a white guy, mid-forties, brownish-blond hair. He's got a partner, a black guy, thin, moustache. They were last spotted in a red Maserati and they're dressed as cops."

"No shit?" asked the cop.

"No shit." said J.J.

----------

Just outside of Ceduna, the Drake raced along in his BMW.

"What time is it?" asked the doctor.

"I dunno." said Ron. "What time zone are we in?"

"I think this is one of those time zones that's thirty minutes off of the adjacent ones." said the Drake.

"Well, it's time for your morning medication." said the doctor.

The Drake's cel phone rang. "Wait 'til I finish this call." he said as he answered his phone. "Seymour Drake."

"You're just going to have to wait." said Ron as he leaned over the seat.

"You're going to have to speak up." said the Drake. "I'm in the middle of the Australian Outback."

The doctor took out a hypodermic needle.

"Nimitz?" asked the Drake. "What do you mean 'Nimitz'?"

The doctor turned and jabbed Ron with the needle.

"Oh, the U.S.S. Nimitz!" said the Drake. "Hell yeah, I want to buy it! I want to land my Learjets on it! I don't care what it costs!"

The doctor injected himself with his needle as Ron started to space out.

"How much?" asked the Drake.

"Bet you're feeling better now, aren't you?" asked the doctor.

"I can't hear you!" yelled the Drake. "Talk louder!"

"I SAID 'I BET YOU'RE FEELING BETTER NOW, AREN'T YOU?'" yelled the doctor.

"Yes, thank you very much." said Ron, who was now really loopy.

"No problem!" said the Drake. "Bye!" He hung up.

"Bye!" yelled Ron. He passed out.

----------

The Maserati raced along towards the interchange with Highway 87. A pair of police cars came up behind it.

One of the pursuing officers looked over the Italian sports machine, then picked up his CB and said "Dispatch, this is units 3 and 7. We have a visual on a red Maserati, believed to be suspected assassins. Over."

In the Maserati, Blake and Fenderbaum heard the whole report on their police scanner.

"Assassins?" yelled Fenderbaum. "Now, I've been accused of many things, but I ain't never been called no assassin."

"I don't even vote." said Blake. "Let me lose these guys."

Blake executed a handbrake turn and headed back west. The police cars quickly followed.

"Good, Blake." said Fenderbaum. "But not good enough."

"This is Units 3 and 7 again." said one of the pursuing officers. "The Maserati is trying to make a run for it, but you can inform the president they're as good as caught."

Blake and Fenderbaum raised their eyebrows over that report. "President?" said Fenderbaum.

"J.J!" they both said. "That son of a bitch!"

"They're trying to pull away." said the pursuing officer. "But we're gonna bring those blighters in...dead or alive." Fenderbaum got scared with those last three words.

"Don't you worry, 'cause you know what I'm gonna do?" asked Blake.

"What?" asked Fenderbaum.

"I'm gonna take this car." said Blake. "And I'm gonna turn so that I block the whole highway sideways. And when they come, they're gonna have a choice: either to ditch it, or ram right straight into us!"

Fenderbaum laughed. "Yeah, yeah! Ditch it or..." Suddenly, he realized what Blake had said. "Ram STRAIGHT INTO US?" he yelled.

"Yup!" said Blake as he cut the wheel sharply.

The Maserati spun so that it blocked the highway. The two police cars swerved to avoid hitting him. Both crashed into the ditch.

With the threat eliminated, Blake got going again.

----------

"Got a turbocharger kit from Greddy along with an intercooler." said the guy of his yellow 350Z. "Headers are from DC Sports. Cold air intake comes from AEM. Brakes from Brembo. Flywheel, clutch, cat-back, sway bars, body kit, all Stillen."

"Sounds impressive." said Marcie.

"So, what do you say?" asked Jill.

"Both of us?" asked the Nissan driver.

"Come on." said Marcie. "Nissan versus Nissan. First to Broken Hill wins."

"I dunno." said the guy. "I heard about that S2K you thrashed on the way to Kalgoorlie and I haven't even paid off this Z-car yet."

"Oh, that's okay." said Jill. "You can then tell your friends that you bested someone with a car that's barely been breathed on."

"Okay, but better make it fast." said the guy. "The blokes in Melbourne are not going to believe this."

"Hey, if there's any action down there, just let us know." said Jill.

The two Nissans pulled out of the gas station and headed for the state line.

----------

The limo cruised along towards the state line. J.J. and Pamela were in the back while Victor was up front letting Brad drive.

"So how does it feel to be in the driver's seat?" asked Victor.

"It's okay." said Brad. "This is actually kinda fun."

Victor looked in the back and saw J.J. and Pamela making out.

"I'll just ignore this." he said. "I'm not in it."

"Me neither, I'm just the president." said Brad.

Brad failed to notice the red Maserati approaching from behind.

"Blake?" said Fenderbaum. "President Nixon's car."

"Is the blimp driving?" asked Blake.

"No." laughed Fenderbaum. "It's the president."

"The president, huh?" asked Blake. "Ooh, I'm gonna set him up for impeachment!"

Blake raced past the limo and swerved into its path. Brad tried to avoid him and ended up spinning it out.

Blake laughed as he drove on.

"It's money in the bank!" squealed Fenderbaum. "A million bucks!"

----------

AN:So, how'd you like that fight scene? Please, read and review.


	6. New South Wales, New Speed Wars

Cannonball Run 2004:Down Under 

New South Wales, New Speed Wars

AN:Okay, we're closing in on the end. However, you'll see that the end will not be as soon as you think. We've got a little more.  
By the way, I've decided to change the model of J.J's limo from a Holden Calais to a Holden Statesman. I recently found out the Calais is not a luxury model like limos usually are. The first two chapters have been altered in accordance.  
Anyways, read and review.

----------

Just after crossing into New South Wales, Jackie continued driving towards Broken Hill. Michael sat back and played a little Tekken on the computer. After reaching Nina, Michael fought hard with Christie, but was quickly defeated.

The second round began. Michael managed to get in a few good strikes, but still lost. He tried to continue, but the computer wouldn't let him. "You are an average player." it said. "Please try again later."

Jackie laughed as Michael tossed the controller in anger. Jackie stopped laughing when he looked in the rearview and saw the lights of the police car.

"Pull over, man." said Michael. Jackie pulled over.

The police officers climbed out of the car. "It's some kind of foreign model." said one. "I'd hate to deal with their nation's consulate."

"It's always some nutjob who thinks another country's laws don't apply." said the other.

The officers walked up to the car's door.

"Why is this light flashing?" asked Jackie.

"That tells you the Carjacking Deterent System is on." said Michael. "Uh oh."

The first officer walked up and said "Sir, may I please see your license?"

He quickly got sprayed by a blast of pepper spray from the B-pillar and stumbled away.

"Do you know what that was?" asked the other.

"Too right!" said the cop. "That was pepper spray!"

"You see those tinted windows?" asked his partner. "You know who's behind those tinted windows? Ashton Kutcher! We're being Punk'd! C'mon, now's our chance!"

He walked over and said "I'd like to see your license." He leaned on the car's A-pillar, then bent back and shook as a few hundred volts pumped through his body. He was thrown to the ground.

"Oh God!" groaned Michael. "I wonder if you can arrest a car for assaulting a police officer."

"He's not pulling one over on me!" yelled the other cop. He ran up to the window and the side mirror turned to the side revealing a small gun. The gun fired a rubber bullet at the cop. Then another. The third sent him sprawling.

His partner got up and said "I'm gonna go say 'Hi' to my mum." He got back up and ran up to the window. "I'd like to say 'Hi' to my mum." he said.

A few more gun barrels emerged from the sunroof. The cop was shot with a few paintballs and was knocked back to the ground.

"This is great!" he said. "Let's go sing!" Both cops got up and ran to the window. "Come on, before they go!"

"By the light...of the silvery moon." they sang.

A blast of tear gas came from the door handle and sent both of them to the ground.

"Let's get the hell out of here!" laughed Jackie. He restarted the car and drove off.

"Aren't we supposed to sign a release, Mr. Kutcher?" asked the first cop's partner.

"Aw, shut up!" yelled his partner as he got up and ran for their own car.

----------

Blake and Fenderbaum pulled into a roadside stand.

"J.J's gonna get it for setting us up like that!" said Fenderbaum as he climbed out of the Maserati.

"Lotsa luck!" said Blake as he followed. "Half the cops in Australia are probably on our asses after what he did."

"Maybe we can find a way to bypass the fuzz." said Fenderbaum.

"'Scuse me!" said another man. He walked over to the two and pulled out a badge. "Inspector Lyle, Sydney Police. I could use some help."

"Like what?" asked Blake.

"Ah, Americans!" said Lyle. "Surely, your sense of justice is the same in the States."

"What kind of help do you need?" asked Fenderbaum.

"I was assigned to investigate several claims of bribery." said Lyle. "We've been hearing about many police chiefs in major cities across Australia receiving bribes from a major crime lord."

"Who?" asked Blake.

"His name is Big Donnie Cannaglio." said Lyle.

AN:The "g" in Cannaglio is silent.

Upon hearing the name of their tormentor, Blake and Fenderbaum looked at each other.

"What kind of assistance do you need?" asked Fenderbaum.

"I was driving to Cannaglio's closest club when my car conked out." said Lyle. "Can you give me a lift?"

"Why not?" said Blake. "Come on."

"You can ride in front." said Fenderbaum as they walked to the car.

----------

Just down the road, another team was in trouble. Jill limped the Skyline to the side of the road after the engine died. The 350Z they were racing turned around and pulled up next to them.

"I don't believe this!" yelled Jill. "And we were doing so well!"

"Well, you get what you pay for." said Marcie.

"Dammit! What now?" asked Jill as the Skyline drifted to a halt.

"I dunno." said Marcie. "Get out and start smiling."

----------

"Damn!" said J.J. at the store in Broken Hill. "The race is gonna be over if that putz doesn't get out here soon!"

Seconds later, Brad stepped out of the store with a bag of groceries and wearing cargo pants and a Hawaiian shirt.

"Holy cow, he changed his clothes." said Victor.

"So, that's what took you so long." said Pamela.

"What's with the new outfit?" asked J.J.

"I got tired of the monkey suit." said Brad. "Wouldn't you prefer a leader who defies convention and follows his heart instead of his advisors?"

"He's got a point, J.J." said Victor.

"Besides, the people don't need to see me to hear my voice." said Brad. "I can still pull off the deception without being seen."

"That's also true." said J.J. "Okay, you can keep your new outfit."

"Alright." said Brad.

"Let's go, Mr. president." said J.J.

----------

Jill and Marcie leaned against the 350Z while watching someone look over the Skyline. The 350Z's driver sat and leaned back against the car's tire. The muscle car of the guy who stopped for them sat off to the side.

"Think you better call Jessie and tell her where her car is." said Jill.

"Me call Jessie?" asked Marcie. "I called Jessie last time! You call Jessie."

"Will you two shielas quit arguing and come over here?" asked the mechanic.

Jill and Marcie walked over to the car. The 350Z driver got up and did the same.

The mechanic pointed to a section of the engine bay that was splattered with oil. "Here's your problem." he said. "Apparently, the pump's integrity gave out after all the abuse you put it through."

"I see what you mean, there's oil everywhere." said Marcie.

"Can we fix it?" asked Jill.

"Not unless you got a spare." said the mechanic.

"Yeah, that's how it is in the States." said Marcie. "These street racers get the Japanese cars since the Japanese make them very reliable. Reliable, but not invincible."

"I know what you mean." said the 350Z driver. "I got a mate who thought he was unstoppable in his own Skyline. Then, some no-hoper in a Holden cuts him off and sends his car to the scrapheap."

Jill and Marcie looked at him with curiosity. "What model year?" asked Marcie.

"A ninety-seven." said the guy. "Also an R33. He's got a new one and keeps the old one for a parts car."

"Does it still have the oil pump?" asked Jill. "Maybe we can get it for a replacement."

"I can call and check." said the 350Z driver. "But even if he does, it'll take a few hours to get it here."

"We don't have that kind of time." said Marcie. "We need to get to Brisbane pronto."

Jill looked over at the mechanic's orange muscle car. Marcie noticed her looking and looked at the car as well.

"So, what kind of car you got there?" asked Marcie.

"Oh, that's a Valiant Pacer." said the mechanic. "It's like an ancient muscle car produced by the Australian arm of your Chrysler Corporation. It's got a Slant Six engine, 4 barrel carb, blower."

Jill and Marcie looked at him a little deviously.

----------

The Valiant raced down the highway. Jill was behind the wheel, the mechanic was gripping the dashboard in sheer terror, and Marcie sat in the back.

"Alright, we're good to go and well on our way to Brisbane." said Jill.

"I don't think Chrysler wanted this thing to be doing two hundred kilometers per hour." said the mechanic.

"Well, it's doing it! Woo!" cheered Marcie as she snapped her fingers.

"Look, just pull it off to the side." said the mechanic. "Just pull it off to the side and...oh, crikey. I don't believe this."

"Hey, I wouldn't have asked you for this car normally." said Jill. "It's just that we've got a million dollars on the line."

"A million?" asked the mechanic.

"Mmmm hmmm." said Marcie.

"Oh well, it's only a car." said the mechanic. "Let's go!"

----------

"Blue Mountains are dead ahead." said Pete as he navigated a road in New South Wales.

"Alright!" said Steve. "Goal in sight."

"Man, I'd love to get in some nice drifts on those mountain roads." said Pete.

"Don't even think about it." said Steve. "I just ate. Besides, you know you can't do any decent drifts unless you turn off the traction control."

Pete took his left hand off the wheel and extended his index finger. Steve noticed him reaching for the button for traction control.

"No. No. No. No. No." said Steve.

Pete pushed the traction control button, turning it off. He then accelerated into the turn and let loose.

Steve screamed as the tail end of the RX-7 swung out. Pete straightened up and raced to the next turn. He let it slide out again and recovered. Steve screamed through that one as well.

Pete raced into the next turn. This time, there was a truck in the oncoming lane. Steve started to REALLY panic. Pete drifted through the turn, missing the truck by mere inches. Finally, he hit a straightaway and turned the traction control back on.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" asked Pete. Steve hung his head out the window and threw up.

----------

A fight was raging at a roadside gas station as the Falcon raced by and pulled in.

Terry, Mel, and Sarah climbed out. "Isn't this how you two met?" asked Mel.

"Yeah. Ever get that creepy deja vu feeling?" asked Terry.

"Let's see what the problem is." said Sarah as she walked over to a gang of bikers beating up the attendant.

"Excuse me, can we get some service?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'd like to service you." said one of the bikers.

"Hey, this is my best friend's wife!" yelled Mel. "You will treat her with respect!"

"Yeah, we'll treat her with respect." said the biker. "But we'll need something from you first."

"Oh yeah?" said Mel. "What's that?"

"Your ass!" yelled the biker as he and his friends grabbed Mel and tried to carry him off.

"The man should not start fights." said Terry as he ran over to him. Sarah took cover behind one of the bikers' motorcycles.

Terry tackled one of the bikers, making him release Mel. As Terry started punching bikers, Mel ran for cover. One of the bikers chased him.

Mel hurdled the bike Sarah was hiding behind and yelled "Get this guy, Sarah!" As the biker jumped the bike, Sarah grabbed his ankle, tripping him.

Terry punched another biker away from him and ended up next to the attendant under an aluminun roofing.

"You're a good fighter, mate." said the attendant.

"Watch this!" said Terry as three bikers ran towards them. He jumped up and hit the roofing. It was loose and fell on the approaching bikers.

"I can't let him do this alone!" said Mel as he ran back into the fray.

Two bikers started to attack Terry. As he tried to defend himself, Mel ran in to help and tackled one of the attackers into the wall.

"Hey, he's making a run for it!" yelled Sarah as one of the bikers ran up a wooden staircase.

"I got him!" yelled Mel.

"I got your back!" yelled Terry. A biker grabbed him and tried to wrestle him to the ground, but Sarah intervened and punched him out.

They heard another punch and looked up to see Mel tumbling down the stairs.

"Are you alright?" asked Sarah.

"Must be a pretty tough guy up there." said Terry. "I'm going next."

"No." said Sarah. "Leave him to me."

She climbed the stairs as Mel tried to get back on his feet. "I think she's in over her head this time." he said.

Just then, another biker surprised Terry and got punched out as a result. Mel wound up defending himself as well when another biker came up behind him and got rammed into the wall for his troubles.

At the top of the stairs, the biker tried to attack Sarah and she punched him right down the stairs. "Who's next?" she asked.

"Thank you." said the attendant. "Thank you. Whatever you want, it's on me."

"Do you know the fastest way to Sydney?" asked Mel.

The attendant let out a groan. "That was free anyway." he said.

----------

Jackie raced down the highway towards Bourke. The police cruiser was still behind him.

"Come on, you gotta lose this guy!" said Michael.

"I'm trying but there's not a lot of hiding places!" replied Jackie.

The Mitsubishi raced past a sign pointing to the "Darling River".

Jackie looked at Michael. "Worked in Perth." said Michael. Jackie turned down the road towards the river.

Jackie raced towards the river. "Get that swimmer ready." he said.

"Got it." said Michael as he worked on his computer.

Jackie raced towards a dock and drove off into the river. The amphibious conversion went into action. Jackie and Michael laughed as the cops were forced to stop on the riverbank.

"Smooth sailing." said Michael.

They approached a rowboat with a pair of fishers in it. "I tell you, there's a big one out there." said one. "Went with another guy to go after him. He tried to catch the big sucker. I saw it jump and I took a picture of him while he was in the air. Picture weighed thirteen and a half pounds."

"Now I know you're joking." said the other as he cast his line...right into the path of the Mitsubishi.

"I think we can get back on the highway in Bourke." said Jackie.

"Keep it up." said Michael.

The Eclipse cruised by and caught the fishing line. The fisherman tried to get it free by pulling on the line, but it wouldn't give.

"Oh dammit!" he yelled. "He's got me!"

"Whoa!" said Michael as he looked over the computer. "We snagged something!"

"How big?" asked Jackie.

"Not big." said Michael. "You can probably dislodge it by going to full."

"Got it." said Jackie. He pushed the accelerator harder.

The fisherman started to panic as his fishing line started to reel out at an alarming speed.

"You gotta let go of the pole!" yelled his partner.

"I'm not letting go of the pole!" yelled the fisherman. "I paid a hundred bucks for this thing!"

"Let it go!" yelled the partner. "Let it go or you're going with him!"

By then, it was too late. The fisherman was pulled out of the boat and pulled along behind the car.

----------

"So, where did you get this car?" asked Lyle.

"It was a loaner from Perth PD's Internal Affairs Division." said Fenderbaum. "They let us use it until we could catch the guy."

"You're saying Big Donnie is trying to expand his operation into the States?" asked Lyle. "Wow, that's pretty messed up."

Just then, Lyle's cel phone rang. "'Scuse me, I gotta take this." he said as he answered it. "G'Day...What? Why?...Aw, come on!...Oh, alright!" He hung up and said "They pulled me off the case!"

"Why?" asked Blake.

"They said they had new evidence clearing him." said Lyle. "I think it was more of Big Donnie's corrupting if you ask me!"

"Sorry to hear that." said Fenderbaum.

"Oh, it's no use." said Lyle. "Drop me off here."

Blake pulled into the next truck stop and parked. The three got out of the Maserati.

"Hey, hey." said Blake. "I want you to think about this. You might have been taken off the case through trechery and corruption, but you knew what you were doing was dangerous and deadly. But you did it because it was the right thing to do. You knew that if you didn't try to stop Big Donnie, others in the future might become his victims. Others might get their legs broken by his enforcers. Others might rack up thirty thousand dollar debts and have to flee the country. Maybe someday, you'll be able to be there when they take Big Donnie down. For you...are Inspector Lyle."

"Good speech." said Fenderbaum.

"It's the uniform." said Blake.

"You know what?" said Lyle. "I have been poking my nose in the affairs of organized crime for five years and wondering if I was making a difference. Now, I know I must try. And try I will. I'm gonna present my findings to my superiors and not rest until Big Donnie occupies a jail cell."

"That's what I'm talkin' about!" said Blake.

"Good luck in your quest." said Lyle. "I'll take good luck in mine."

Blake and Fenderbaum walked back to the car and climbed in. Before he entered, Blake gave Lyle a quick salute.

Blake started the car, then Fenderbaum looked out the window and said "Bye, Lyle!"

Blake peeled out and raced down the highway. Lyle watched them go.

----------

Just south of the town of Moree, Alex and Rocco flew along in a plane with one of the girls from the club.

"So, that's all I have to do?" she asked.

"That's all." said Rocco. "We'll do the rest."

"Okay, we're nearing the spot where we can intercept the Drake." said Alex. "Now how do I land this thing?"

"Let's see." said Rocco as he picked up the manual. "It says to lower the flaps."

"Good, do that." said Alex.

"Where are they?" asked Rocco.

"Under 'F', you moron." said Alex.

"There's a 'T'." said Rocco. "'T' for 'tabs'. Is that good?"

"Fantastic." said Alex. "Pull it."

"Pull what?" asked Rocco.

"Pull anything, dummy!" yelled Alex.

"Alright!" said Rocco as Alex landed the plane.

Just up the road, the Drake continued to drive. The stereo was blasting "Rain King" by the Counting Crows.

"Oh, I belong..." sang the men. "...In the service of the queen. I belong...anywhere but in between."

"I liked this song so much, I bought shares in Geffen." said the Drake.

The girl from the club walked up to the side of the road while Alex and Rocco hid in the bushes.

"I hope this works." said Rocco. "I talked to Big Donnie about the car and he was really mad."

"Rocco. Rocco." said Alex. "This cannot miss. I assure you, this cannot miss."

"How much further?" asked the doc.

"Just a few miles to Moree." said Ron. "After that, the Queensland state line. Then, it's on to Brisbane. I'd say we've only got a few hours left."

Just then, the Drake spotted the girl from the club. She waved her hands above her head, motioning for him to stop. It worked. He plowed on the brakes and swerved off to the side. He backed up to her and rolled down his window.

"Terribly sorry." said the Drake. "Is something wrong?"

"I was out driving and I got lost somehow and then my car broke down." said the girl, pretending to be frantic. "Can you please help?"

"Absolutely no problem whatsoever." said the Drake as he leaned out the window. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Seymour Drake Jr, heir apparent, master street racer, and one of the world's biggest..."

"Yoyos." said Alex as he put a gun to the Drake's head.

"Okay, who said you could put a gun to my head?" yelled the Drake. He snapped his fingers and said "Ron." Ron leaned out the rear window and the Drake moved to gun to his head. "Now where were we?" asked the Drake.

----------

TO BE CONTINUED


	7. Mercy Mission

Cannonball Run 2004:Down Under 

Mercy Mission

AN:This is it. This is the final stretch. After this, the Cannonballers wait until next year to race. Who will win? Read to find out.  
Oh, don't forget to review.

----------

"We really got set back when Blake spun us out." said J.J.

"We could be last for all we know." said Brad. "Drake's never going to let me live this down."

"J.J, what's that?" asked Pamela.

"Cannonballers ahead of us!" said J.J.

"Why are they stopped?" asked Victor.

J.J. pulled to the side of the road where several of the other teams had pulled over. Ron and the doctor were standing in the middle of the crowd. J.J. and his team climbed out of the limo.

"What's going on?" asked J.J.

"I was in the middle of a Counting Crows concert when we saw one of the Doublemint Twins." said the doctor.

"Uh, what the doc means is that the Drake has been kidnapped." said Ron. "Two hoods got us to pull over, then parted with the Drake...AND the prize money."

"Are you organizing a rescue operation?" asked J.J.

"We tried, but we ran out of leads." said Ron as the Maserati pulled up.

Blake and Fenderbaum climbed out and walked over. "Okay, what the hell happened?" asked Blake.

"The Drake's been kidnapped and the prize money's been stolen." said Ron.

"What?" asked Fenderbaum.

"Couldn't you try to stop those two?" asked Blake. "You're his bodyguard."

"How did you know there were two of them?" asked J.J.

Blake and Fenderbaum suddenly realized they were caught. "Uh, Ron said so." said Blake.

"No, he didn't." said Sarah.

"So, how did you know there were two of them?" asked Victor.

Blake and Fenderbaum looked around for anything, an answer, a distraction, a nuclear explosion. Finally, they had no recourse but to look guilty.

"Ah ha." said Victor.

Terry walked up behind them, put his hands on their shoulders, and said "I think you two guys have got something to tell us, right?"

"Right." said Blake.

"Right." said Fenderbaum.

J.J. walked up to them and crossed his arms. "Okay, talk." he said.

"Well, you see, J.J." said Fenderbaum. "Last time we were in Australia, we made a few bets with this crime boss and ended up with a thirty thousand dollar debt. So, he sent some torpedoes to collect."

"And you told them about the Drake." said J.J.

"It was tell them or else!" said Fenderbaum.

"Who is this guy?" asked J.J.

"His name is Big Donnie Cannaglio." said Blake.

"I'll see what I can dig up." said Michael. "How do you spell 'Cannaglio'?"

Blake told him and he went for the Mitsubishi.

"Do you guys have any idea how much trouble you're in?" asked J.J.

"Should we?" asked Blake.

"Oh, you'd better." said J.J.

Michael worked on his computer while J.J. argued with Blake and Fenderbaum. Within two minutes, he had something. "Hey, guys! C'mere!" he yelled.

The other Cannonballers ran over and gathered around the Eclipse. "Whatcha got?" asked Pamela.

"I know where this Cannaglio guy is holding the Drake." said Michael. "Check it out. This is where he is, the Pinto Ranch in Melbourne."

"Are you sure?" asked Marcie.

"Look at this." said Michael as he pointed at something on the screen. "I'm pretty sure that's the only BMW in Australia with Illinois plates."

"Pinto Ranch in Melbourne." said J.J. "Great, let's go get this guy!"

"We can't just go get this guy!" yelled Blake.

"Why not?" asked J.J.

"Because we've been to the Pinto Ranch!" said Blake. "That place is guarded like Fort Knox!"

"Maybe we can get through!" said Victor.

"Maybe WE can ourselves killed and take you with us!" yelled Fenderbaum.

"I'm open for other suggestions." said Victor.

"How about this?" asked Jackie as he looked at the screen. "The Pinto Ranch is looking for a lounge act."

"Maybe we can go in as part of a musical act." said Pete.

"Terrific, we'll just see if Silverchair is up to a little covert insertion." said Jill.

"Wait a minute!" said Brad. "We'll send in the Lectroids!"

"I thought they broke up last week?" said Mel.

"Their instruments didn't." said Brad.

----------

Later that day, at the Pinto Ranch, a Ford Transit van pulled up and the back doors opened. Jackie and Michael were in the front seat while Brad was right behind them.

"Wish us luck." said Brad.

"Kick some ass." said Jackie as Michael started to boot up his laptop.

----------

In the lounge, Brad met with Big Donnie.

"Mr. Cannaglio, I believe we spoke on the phone." said Brad.

"Mr. Compton, I'm surprised you came so quickly." said Big Donnie. "What was the big emergency?"

"One of the band members has to fly back to Tulsa to keep his mom from putting his dog down." said Brad. "He's going to have to leave right after the audition. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to give the band a little pep talk."

Brad ran up on stage and went over to J.J. who was wearing combat boots, leather pants, a blue tank top, and a black beret. He was also setting up a microphone stand.

"How's it looking?" asked J.J.

"He's convinced." said Brad. "As soon as we finish, we can start looking for Drake."

"So, everything's going well except for the fact that none of us can carry a tune." said J.J.

"Don't worry." said Brad. "Neither could the Lectroids."

Behind J.J, Steve held a guitar while in his normal clothes. Victor was wearing blue jeans with ripped knees, a Nirvana T-shirt, and a long wig. He was holding a bass guitar. Pete sat behind a drum set with his shirt off and a backwards-turned baseball cap on his head.

Brad walked up to the microphone and said "Once again, I'd like to thank Big Donnie and the Pinto Ranch for having us. And so, without further ado, I present...Twister!"

Brad jumped off the stage as Steve started to grind into their song. He was soon joined by Victor and Pete. After a few seconds, they were joined by J.J. singing.

**Speed kills, coming down the mountain.  
Speed kills, coming down the street.  
Speed kills, with presence of mind.  
Speed kills, if you know what I mean.**

**Got to feel. Woke up inside again.  
Got to feel less broke, more fixed.  
Got to feel when I got outside myself.  
Got to feel when I touched your lips.**

**The things we do to the people that we love.  
The way we break if there's something in the way.  
Destroy the world that we took so long to make.**

**We expect her gone for some time.  
I wish her safe from harm.  
To find yourself in a foreign land.  
Another refugee. Outsider refugee.**

Victor launched into another riff and bumped into Steve. Steve bumped him back. Victor then bumped him so hard, he stumbled into the sidestage.

**How's it feel? She's coming up roses.  
How's it feel? She's coming up sweet.  
How's it feel when it's all in spite of you?  
How's it feel when she's out of your reach?**

**The things we do to the people that we love.  
The way we break if there's something in the way.  
Destroy the world that we took so long to make.**

**We expect her gone for some time.  
I wish her safe from harm.  
To find yourself in a foreign land.  
Another refugee. Outsider refugee.**

**What happened to you?  
What happened to you? (What happened to you)  
What happened to you? (What happened to you)  
What happened to you?**

**The things we do to the people that we love.  
The things we do to the people that we love.  
The things we do to the people that we love.  
The things we do to the people that we.  
...that we love.**

-"The People That We Love" by Bush

Brad started to clap, then stopped when he noticed Big Donnie staring at him.

J.J. stepped forward and asked "So, what do you think?"

"I'm going to be honest with you." said Alex. "I can't sing, but even I can follow up THAT act."

"What's Australian for 'Bite me'?" asked J.J.

"Get off the stage." said Big Donnie. "If you hurry, you can save your dog."

----------

"Alright, let's see where we can find the Drake." said J.J. as he walked from the lounge.

"I'll check with Jackie and Michael and see if they found something." said Brad.

"Was I really that bad a drummer?" asked Pete.

"The Energizer Bunny is a better drummer." said Steve. "Stick to racing."

Brad walked up to the van. "Any luck?" he asked.

"Okay, their security systems cover three rooms." said Michael. "One is Big Donnie's office. Another is the vault. The third is that suite up there."

"I think we can safely rule out the office and the vault." said Victor.

"So, let's try the suite." said J.J.

"I'll try to hijack the security system." said Michael.

"Hold it!" said Pete. "Someone's coming."

The Cannonballers all hid. Just then, Big Donnie, Alex, and Rocco walked out of the lounge with a briefcase.

"Come on, we have to do something with this." said Big Donnie.

"Is that the prize money?" asked Victor.

"One way to find out." said J.J. He walked over to the gangsters with his bandmates behind him. "Mr. Donnie!" he called.

"If he tries to sing, waste him." Big Donnie whispered to Rocco.

"I was wondering if you had any advice for our careers?" said J.J.

"Yeah." said Big Donnie. "Get out of show business."

J.J. and his group laughed. "Now!" he said.

He quickly punched Big Donnie in the jaw, knocking him down. Victor tackled Alex to the ground. Rocco went down after Pete head-butted him in the stomach and Steve's elbow connected with his nose.

Brad grabbed the briefcase. "This just might be the prize money." he said.

"Better not be restaurant trash." said J.J.

Brad opened the briefcase, smiled, and pulled out a stack of money.

"If that's restaurant trash, can I get a job here?" asked Victor.

"Great, we got the money." said Steve. "Now, let's get the Drake."

----------

Two guards were in front of the suite where the Drake was supposedly being held. Pete walked around the corner from the stairs. "Uh, excuse me." he said. "Can I get some help with my bags?"

"Did you hear those guys in the lounge?" asked one as he followed.

"We should be paying them to reimburse them for the music lessons." said the other as they walked around the corner.

A few punches later and they were knocked out. The group walked around the corner and over to the door to the suite. "If you let me out of here, I'll make it worth your while." said a voice inside.

"That's the Drake." said Brad.

"It's got a keypad lock." said Victor.

"Break it down." said J.J.

"I've just about got the keypad lock undone." said Michael.

"One! Two! Three!" counted J.J.

"Got it." said Michael.

"Charge!" yelled J.J. as the door unlocked. He, Victor, and Pete plowed through the door effortlessly. In their charge, they knocked down a guard inside the room. Another guard on the far end started to pull out his gun, but Steve stepped in, grabbed a flower pot, and threw it at the guard. He knocked him out.

The Drake looked at his rescuers and said "Well, it's about frickin' time!"

"Come on, we gotta get you outta here." said J.J.

"Yeah, we gotta win the race." said the Drake.

----------

In the parking lot, a security guard found Big Donnie and his cohorts and woke them up.

"Sir? Sir, are you alright?" asked the guard.

"Where's that band?" asked Big Donnie.

"I didn't see them leave." said the guard.

"Listen." said Big Donnie. "If those ratbags get out of here with my money, first, I'm gonna kill you. And then," He pointed to Rocco. "he's gonna kill you." He pointed to Alex. "Then, he's gonna kill you." He pointed straight down. "Then, he's gonna kill you!"

The guard got on his radio. "Anyone at the gate, be on the lookout for four crappy musicians with a briefcase full of cash."

The Cannonballers snuck over to the Drake's BMW. J.J. tried to open the door. "Locked." he said. "Where's the keys?"

"Inside the car." said the Drake.

"You stupid BASTARD!" yelled J.J.

"Hold it!" said Big Donnie. He and his men approached the Cannonballers with their guns drawn.

"Oh, this is bad." said Michael.

"Look where they are." said Jackie. "We can surprise them."

"Get into position." said Michael.

"You ever see that movie where the bad guys give the heroes a last request?" asked Big Donnie.

"Yeah, I saw that." said Brad.

"It was a good movie." said Victor.

"Any suggestions?" asked Big Donnie.

"A last meal perhaps?" asked Steve. "You know, we could hit the local McDonald's and gorge on Big Macs."

"There's this pizza place back in Napanoch." said J.J. "I'd like something from there if that's alright. They're closed on Mondays, though."

"Is there a decent five-star restaurant in Melbourne we could go to?" asked the Drake.

"Taco Bell." said Pete. "No, Carl's Jr."

"Frickin' chickasee." said Victor, drawing several stares. "Chicken fricassee." he corrected.

"And you?" asked Big Donnie.

"I'd like a wine list please." said Brad.

"Where I'm sending you, everything's on a menu." said Big Donnie.

"Now!" said Jackie. He and Michael burst out of the van and attacked Big Donnie and his men.

Jackie jump kicked Rocco and followed with a series of punches and strikes. He took a second to repel a guard with a kick to the chest, then returned his focus to Rocco.

J.J. and his group used the distraction to join in. J.J. went face to face with a guard and took him down with a punch to the stomach. Another guard tried to tackle him, but J.J. sidestepped him and clubbed him in the back with his fists. "Yeah! Give me somebody!" yelled J.J. Just then, another guard tackled him.

Big Donnie was about to take action, but Michael grabbed him by the collar. "Friend or foe?" asked Big Donnie.

"Guess!" said Michael. He threw Big Donnie over the hood of the BMW.

Victor pounded on the guy who tackled J.J. until his friend got back up. "You alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, thanks." said J.J.

"Let's get the hell out of here." said Steve.

"We can't get into my car." said the Drake.

"No problem." said Michael. "I've got another piece of equipment I can use."

"What is it?" asked the Drake. "A device that can simulate the frequency of the remote opener?"

"No." said Michael as he picked up Alex's gun. He aimed for the passenger window and shot it out.

The Drake unlocked the doors and said "You're paying for that."

----------

A few minutes later, Big Donnie was able to get up and get to a phone. He dialed the number franticly. "Captain, this is Big Donnie." he said after he got a response. "Someone has wronged me. He has a blue BMW with American license plates and is with a rented van. Kill him. That's what I'm paying you for."

----------

The Drake's BMW and the Transit van raced through the streets of Melbourne.

"Stay to the left, Drake." said J.J. from the backseat. "Stay to the left."

In the van, Pete looked over at Jackie and said "Hey, thanks for saving our bacon back there."

"No prob." said Jackie. "Just a little payback for your assistance at that roadhouse."

The two vehicles raced past a police car which started to give chase.

"Shit!" yelled Brad. "We've got company!"

"Hold on." said the Drake. He floored the accelerator.

Two police cars tried to block him off, but he raced between them just in time. The van was blocked off, however, but Jackie rammed through the roadblock.

"Whoa, I see you've rented cars before!" said Steve.

"Take the next left." said J.J. "That's where we left the limo."

The Drake followed J.J's directions. "Okay, now go into that warehouse." said J.J.

The Drake entered the warehouse with the van right behind him. When they entered, they saw row after row of Cannonballer cars and local street racers.

"What the hell?" asked the Drake.

"Needless to say, Jill and Marcie came up with this part." said Victor.

"Just like that film with Paul Walker, Tyrese, and that guy from 'American History X'." said the Drake.

Jill and Marcie were under the hood of their Skyline. The 350Z driver had it delivered to the warehouse where the new oil pump was being installed.

"I can't thank you enough for this." said Marcie.

"Ah, it was no problem." said the 350Z driver.

"Hey, what do you say we join the joyride?" asked the Pacer driver.

"Are you loco?" asked the 350Z driver. "We're not in this race!"

"Come on, old school versus new school?" asked the Pacer driver. "Battle of the sixes? What do you say?"

"You're on, mate." said the 350Z driver.

"So, you guys aren't going to perform nutball moves like that cutoff now?" asked Pamela.

"Not this time." said Fenderbaum. "We're not going to try any of that again."

"Good, I'd hate to see a repeat of last year." said Pamela. "That reminds me, after you popped our tire, how did we get to the gas station before you?"

"We got lost." said Blake.

The Drake parked and got out of his car. Ron ran over to him and said "Mr. Drake! Oh, thank God you're alright!"

"Ron, I think you're going to have your work cut out for you the rest of the journey." said the Drake. "One more thing, Blake, Fenderbaum, can I talk to you?"

Blake and Fenderbaum walked over to him and he grabbed their ties. "If you EVER sell me out like that again, I will make sure you both disappear and believe me! You will be missed by no one!" he yelled. "DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"

"Yeah." whimpered Blake.

"Yeah." gasped Fenderbaum.

"Good." said the Drake. "Now, if you don't mind, I have a speech to make."

Blake and Fenderbaum returned to the crowd where J.J. and Victor were changing back into their secret service uniforms.

"My fellow Cannonballers, let me thank you for coming all this way to rescue me or at least lend a hand." said the Drake. "As you can see, we have equalized the field and as a result, we will be having a sprint finish like last year. First one there wins."

The crowd cheered.

"I also see there are several local street racers out there as well." said the Drake. "If any of you decide to join us in the final sprint, I won't be surprised. And with that, I have to go win the race."

Everybody started to get into their cars. Brad climbed back out. "Oh, one more thing." he said. "To share in good fortune with my fellow Cannonballers, I have decided to match the Drake's purse and raise the prize money to TWO MILLION DOLLARS!"

The crowd let out an even louder cheer.

"How many zeroes is in that?" squealed Jill.

"I don't know!" yelled Pete.

"Come, my friends!" yelled the Drake. "Let's go!" The doctor swept the broken glass out of the BMW just before he got in.

----------

Outside, several police cars had the warehouse blocked off. Big Donnie, Alex, and Rocco pulled up in Alex's Holden.

"What's the story?" asked Big Donnie.

"We've got 'em cornered." said the police officer. "They're trapped."

"Wait, something's happening." said Rocco. The garage doors on the warehouse were opening.

"Hit it!" yelled someone.

J.J. fastened his seatbelt as Victor started the limo and donned his Captain Chaos mask. He then noticed Blake and Fenderbaum heading for the Maserati. "Hey, Fenderbaum, Blake, come here a minute!" he yelled.

Blake and Fenderbaum stormed over to him. "What is it, J.J? Can't you see we're busy?" asked Fenderbaum.

"I know that." said J.J. "That's why I wanna get a head start. See you in Brisbane."

One of the guys who opened the garage doors dropped his hand. The street race cars in front of the doors raced out with the ones behind them following in rapid succession.

"Crikey!" yelled Rocco.

"Holy shit!" yelled Big Donnie.

In the stampede of cars, the first two Cannonballers out were Jackie's Eclipse and Mel's Falcon.

"Hey, I'm canceling your credit cards!" laughed Michael as he held up his keyboard.

"Hell of a honeymoon, right?" asked Terry.

"Oh yeah!" said Sarah.

Pete tore out of the warehouse in the RX-7 with Jill not far behind in the Skyline. Pete raced between the Holden and an adjacent police car.

"What the..?" yelled Alex as he leaned out of his window. Jill raced by and gave him a blast of nitrous purge.

Within half a minute, the warehouse was empty except for the van which was left for the police to pick up.

----------

A few minutes passed before the Cannonballers reached the countryside of Victoria. Pete pulled alongside Jill and rolled down his window. Marcie did the same.

"That was some good thinking!" yelled Pete.

"Thanks!" yelled Jill. "Now, we'll see who can pull this one off."

"Jill, look out!" yelled Marcie. A police car was heading straight for them. Both cars swerved around it. The police car then turned around and gave chase.

Elsewhere, the Eclipse was easily outrunning the police car chasing it. Finally, Jackie managed to lose the guy when he went around a turn. The police car pulled into the passing lane to pass a funeral procession, but the driver couldn't find the Mitsubishi.

"Straight as it is narrow." he said. "I can see for five miles. I wonder where they are."

"Don't panic." said his partner. "Just watch the side roads for dust. No way they can shake us."

They raced past the hearse...and the Mitsubishi hiding alongside it.

Elsewhere, another police car was chasing the Falcon...and losing it.

"He's getting away!" said the driver.

"Can't outrun the radio." said his partner. "Charlie, we got a white Falcon between us! Just pull out and block the damn road!"

The Falcon raced by Charlie before he could do anything. "Got any more bright ideas?" he asked.

Somewhere else, the Drake was racing along with the doctor trying to examine him.

"Look, you're going to have to stop this thing." said the doctor. "I can't do this with all this moving."

"I can't stop!" yelled the Drake. "Just keep me alive until we reach Brisbane!"

The Drake was so busy fighting with the doctor, he wasn't able to prevent Blake from passing him.

"So much for the Drake." said Blake.

"It's money in the bank!" squealed Fenderbaum.

"A million bucks a piece!" cheered Blake as J.J's Holden limo pulled alongside them.

Fenderbaum looked at them and shrieked "That's J.J!"

"Where'd he learn to drive like that?" asked Blake.

"I don't know, but don't let him pass us!" said Fenderbaum. "Floor it!"

"It's floored!" yelled Blake.

Fenderbaum rolled down his window and said "Hi, J.J! Chicky lover baby! Remember, whoever wins, we split the money fifty-fifty!"

J.J. laughed.

"Seventy-thirty." said Fenderbaum.

J.J. laughed again.

"How about ten percent?" laughed Fenderbaum.

The limo pulled away and J.J. said "Forget it!"

The two cars raced past a sign reading "Welcome to New South Wales."

----------

Back in Melbourne, Big Donnie got on the phone. "I need you to ready my private jet." he said. "We have to get to Brisbane before Seymour Drake does so we can recapture him. I also want my men to ask around Brisbane to find out where the finish for the Cannonball is."

----------

Hours later, the Drake was halfway through New South Wales. "Ironicly, we're just about at the spot where I was grabbed." yelled the Drake over the wind noise created by the shot out window.

"Speaking of that, I was thinking." said Ron. "With Big Donnie's resources, it shouldn't be too hard for him to track us down again."

"That's a good point!" said the Drake. "Do you have any ideas how to prevent that?"

Ron held up his cel phone. "I just dialled Brisbane's chief of police." he said. "If you're willing to make a sacrifice, I think you can easily solve the problem."

"Sacrifice?" asked the Drake. "Oh, I see what you mean. Hand me the phone." Ron handed him the phone. The Drake pushed the Send button and put the phone to his ear. "Hello, is this the chief of the Brisbane Police Department? How much is Big Donnie Cannaglio paying you?"

----------

A couple of hours later, the cars had entered the city limits of Brisbane.

"We're in town." said Mel. "What are we looking for?"

"The Brisbane Hilton, it's on Elizabeth Street." said Terry.

"Say, honey." said Sarah. "Win or lose, what do you say to another week here?"

"Both of us?" asked Terry.

"It'll be a weekend you're never gonna forget." said Sarah.

"Hey, until then, let's concentrate on this race." said Mel.

Terry kissed Sarah and said "Let's pour it on."

----------

"Brisbane Hilton." said the Drake. "We're finally here."

"Find a parking spot, quick!" said Ron.

The Drake hit his brakes and slid into a parking space. Within a few seconds, he and his entourage were out of the car.

"Very impressive, Mr. Drake." said a voice. The Drake, Ron, and the doctor turned to face the man who owned the voice.

"Big Donnie." said the Drake. "What a pleasant surprise."

"You knew we'd be after you," said Big Donnie "so it ain't a surprise and it ain't gonna be pleasant."

Just then, a group of police cars entered the parking lot with sirens blaring and screeched to a halt.

"As you can see, my men have called for backup." said Big Donnie. "You have no chance."

"Did you call them?" asked Alex.

"No, you did." said Rocco.

The police officers climbed out of their cars and pointed their guns at the gangsters. "Surrender now!" ordered their leader.

"You heard the man." said Big Donnie. "Surrender."

"I'm talking to you, Cannaglio!" replied the police officer.

"What?" asked the surprised Big Donnie. "What is this?"

The police officers ran over and began arrest procedures. "This is justice, mate." said the officer.

"Do you know what I'm paying you?" asked Big Donnie as an officer forced him to his knees.

"Oy, it's exactly half of what Mr. Drake is paying me." said the officer.

"This is what having money is all about." said the Drake. "I can't believe I had to bribe someone to do his job."

"Wait, I thought you had no evidence against me." said Big Donnie. "That you destroyed it all."

"Well, it turns out someone dug it up." said the officer. "He was pretty determined. Here he is now."

Inspector Lyle climbed out of the car. "G'Day." he said.

"Mr. Drake, I hope you realize what you've started." said the officer. "This goes all the way across the country."

"I guess we've seen the last of Big Donnie, then?" said Ron.

"He's going away for a long time." said the officer.

"Well, enjoy your money, chief." said the Drake. "Don't spend it all in one place." He turned and walked away and muttered "People will get suspicious then."

The RX-7 pulled into a space two spots down from the BMW. Pete and Steve climbed out and took in the spectacle.

"What just happened?" asked Pete.

"Big Donnie just got arrested." said the Drake.

"So, we're out of danger?" asked Steve.

"Exactly." said the Drake. "Oh, one last thing: last one to the finish is a rotten egg!"

He ran up the steps to the hotel. Pete and Steve started to follow. "Steve, wait!" yelled Pete. "The time card!"

"It's in the car!" yelled Steve. "I'll get it!"

Steve ran back to the car and opened the door. As he was rumaging around for the time card, he heard two engines approaching. He looked up to see the 350Z and Pacer entering the parking lot. The 350Z performed a power slide and ended up in the space next to the RX-7. However, the Pacer cut a hard turn and drove into the space between the RX-7 and BMW. The roar of its engine zipped by Steve and was joined by the crunch of tearing metal. He looked up to confirm his worst suspicion: the RX-7's door had been ripped off.

The Pacer's driver climbed out to find Steve staring in complete shock. "Oh, sorry about that, mate." he said. "Didn't see you there."

"Look at what you did!" yelled Steve. "Do you have any idea how much this is going to cost?"

"I didn't hit you." protested the Pacer driver.

"I'd prefer if you hit me!" yelled Steve.

----------

The Drake ran down the halls of the hotel towards the pool area. Ron and the doctor were right behind him.

"It's just through those doors." said Ron.

The Drake threw open the doors to find the welcoming committee waiting for him and cheering. He took out his time card and jammed it into the clock, then threw his fists in the air in a victory pose.

"Nice finish, Drake!" said someone. The Drake turned to see who it was. It was JACKIE! "But not as fast as ours." said Jackie as he and Michael enjoyed a couple of drinks.

The Drake dropped his time card into the pool and sighed with disgust.

----------

Hours later, anews crew had set up. "We are here at the Brisbane Hilton where earlier, mob boss Big Donnie Cannaglio was arrested on charges of bribery, kidnapping, and various other offenses." said the reporter. "Sources say Cannaglio is under suspicion of having bribed several high-ranking police officials across the country and the cases are being looked into. Rumors state that Cannaglio was brought down by the participants of a cross-country illegal road race, although such reports are being dismissed as nonsense. This is Beth McNabb reporting for Australian Broadcasting Company. Back to you."

Blake and Fenderbaum ran into the pool area. They made a beeline for the clock. However, before they could punch their card in the clock, the official took it.

"Forget it, guys." said the official. "You're four hours and fifteen martinis late. Get to the bar and get gassed up. You're flying home tomorrow."

"All this distance and we didn't win?" groused Blake as he went for the bar.

"Maybe we should stick to America." said Fenderbaum.

They walked past Jill, Marcie, Pete, and Steve.

"That was quite an eye-opening experience." said Pete.

"Yeah, I learned something important." said Jill. "Australian cops can be just as ineffectual as American cops."

"I can't believe you guys beat us." said Marcie.

"It was all smooth sailing." said Pete.

"'til now." said Steve. Jessie and Lazlow had entered.

"Hey, how you doing, girl?" asked Jill as Jessie walked over.

"Oh, fine I guess." said Jessie. "I heard you had some car trouble?"

"Oil pump, but we fixed it." said Marcie.

"Bloody thing never did work right." said Jessie.

"Laz, I'm really sorry about the door!" said Steve.

"Ah, don't worry about it." said Lazlow. "I was thinking of a vertical door conversion anyway."

"Oh, well, good luck with that." said Steve.

Brad and the Drake walked by. "Well, I guess I owe you my life." said the Drake.

"And you repaid me by kicking my ass." said Brad.

"Well, them's the breaks." said the Drake. "I suppose we can go at it again next year."

"What do you mean?" asked Brad.

"I called Mad Dog to see if he was feeling better." said the Drake. "He's feeling so much better, he wants to stage next year's race. I told him I was in if he'd have me. I think I'll do you a favor. I have decided to hire the winners of this year's race to be your team in the next. I'd like you to get aquainted, Brad. I've told them so much about you."

"Good stuff, I hope." said Brad.

"And thash why MIT is king, baby!" slurred Jackie. "Bring on the shexy ladies!"

"That's why he let me hold the keys." said Michael. "He said that if he won, he'd see how drunk he could get."

"And you let him?" asked the woman sitting next to him.

"I'm working on a mechanical liver now." said Michael as Brad and the Drake walked over.

"Jackie, Michael, I'd like to to meet Mr. Brad Compton." said the Drake.

Jackie, drunk out of his mind, grabbed Brad behind his head, pulled him in, and kissed the very surprised man.

THE END

----------

AN:Now, THERE'S an image you'll never get out of your minds.  
And so wraps up the 2004 edition of the Cannonball Run. I hope you had fun reading, because I had fun writing.  
I'd like to thank all those who reviewed. I'd also like to thank the folks at Dorling-Kindersley for their travel guides. Their Australia guide has proven invaluable for this fic.  
Will there be a Cannonball Run 2005? I don't know. In case you haven't heard, I've been tapped to write Cannonball Run 5, the follow-up to Turbo Man's Cannonball Run 4. Therefore, I'll be too busy to write CR2005, but I'm thinking of letting someone else take over.If you're interested, please let me know.  
Anyways, thank you and good night.


End file.
